[Verse 1]

When I was a kid

I used to fake sick

Luckily my mom and dad were

Pretty easy to trick

I was biding my time

Until the house was all mine

To do the one thing I really wanted to

[Chorus]

Which was watching daytime TV

While there's no one home to watch me

I'm hanging out with Maury

He's doing a paternity test

Are you the father, well it's anybody's guess

And with me, Jerry Springer

Judge Joe Brown, Judge Judy, and a TV dinner

I guess the best things in life come free

Like watching daytime TV

[Verse 2]

When I was a kid

The world was a mystery

There were so many things that

Just didn't make sense to me

And the way to find out

What all the fuss was about

And to satisfy my healthy curiosity

[Chorus]

Was by watching daytime TV

While there's no one home to watch me

I'm hanging out with Maury

He's doing a paternity test

Are you the father, well it's anybody's guess

And with me, Jerry Springer

Judge Joe Brown, Judge Judy, and a TV dinner

I guess the best things in life come free

Like watching daytime TV

[Outro]

There's no one home to watch me

There's no one home to stop me

From hanging out with Maury

I'm hanging out with Genevieve

There's no one home to watch me

There's no one home to stop me

From hanging out with Maury

I'm hanging out