[Verse 1]

Phone calls at odd times give me PTSD

From way back at 19 with my cousin's death

One day you breathin' then you out of breath

Ain't no rhyme or reason, when it's good I'm thinkin' who is leavin'

Next? And I'm knowin' that's no way to live

My mom, she used to ask me "What if he died?" back when I was a kid

Socializin' me to anticipate death

And that feelin' is so heavy I can't lift the weight

Focus more on expiration than before

Fearin' losin' people suddenly has got me lovin' more

Guess that's the bright side of fear

Nightmares in which you're taken from my life will keep you right near

Yeah! And yet I still can be a dick

I try to keep myself a saint but I can turn to sinner so quick

There ain't a single winner in this whole shit

We all will hit that casket and get placed up in that black hole quick

[Chorus]

I'm in a paranoid state

I try to think of death as just a beautiful escape

Until I'm lost up in that void

I'm thinkin' how can I avoid another funeral and wake

I'm in a paranoid state

I try to think of death as just a beautiful escape

Until I'm lost up in that void

I'm thinkin' how can I avoid another funeral and wake

[Verse 2]

Yeah, I'm pullin' up into that parking lot

Knowin' I'ma lose it when I see you in that casket

That's the moment I'm relivin' and it's hard to stop

For weeks I'm losin' sleep when I'm at work, I try to mask it

Wakin' up at night from the memories, cold body and the images of death

Then I'm reflectin' on the end of me

I don't believe in Heaven but I'm hopin' that there's somethin' next

And once I heal I'm hardly lookin' back

Self-preservation, pictures taken, hard to look at that

I turn cold when I'm stricken with this grief

First it's disbelief, how is that your casket I was lookin' at?

What if it's really all for nothin'? All this misery and anguish 'til we're in eternal sleep

They try to tell us there's a better place

I really fear that darkness is our only destiny

[Chorus]

I'm in a paranoid state

I try to think of death as just a beautiful escape

Until I'm lost up in that void

I'm thinkin' how can I avoid another funeral and wake

I'm in a paranoid state

I try to think of death as just a beautiful escape

Until I'm lost up in that void

I'm thinkin' how can I avoid another funeral and wake