My first date didn't really go so well

I took some girl to a 5-star hotel

But then got kicked out for stealing stuff from Chanel

Then she gets mad and I get compelled

To break up with her cuz she is giving me hell

She is more annoying than any new song from Adele

I guess me and her couldn't fit the picture

So I have no choice but to ditch her

But only after I give her my "We're Done" sticker

I get in my car and slam the door before she got inside

Then I drive off in the sunset, watching her cry

You chose the wrong guy

To mess with, so bye bye!

I feel powerful, almost like a cougar

So I text her "Sup ex-babe, I called you an Uber

But it's the cheapest one. And btw I should've dumped you sooner."

And right before you think

I'm just gonna keep complaining for the rest of the song

Well, you're hella wrong

All of a sudden helicopters hover over, police cars in one huge pile

I can't believe this is happening! Someone tell me I'm in a dream!

Then I jump so high, higher than I've ever leaped!

I land on a mountain that was really steep

I see my homie Steve, he's a moose with a goatee

The thin air is choking me

Steve isn't lending a hand or a hoof

I feel like a crook

A crocodile that's six foot

If you get near me you're hooked

I like my food raw not cooked

Am I going off topic?

My ADHD is crazy sometimes, and I can't stop it

I'm just writing what's off the top of my head

This ain't a freestyle unless I'm Eminem

If you can't afford a mattress then rent-a-bed

You punch two bullies, you miss so you hit them-again

I wanna make 3 albums

I'm getting a rash-from

Using talcum

So I throw a temper tantrum

Because the itch has-won

Like a bee that-stung

A loaded handgun

Colon Sackorpick kneeling during the national anthem

Disrespecting all the American sirs and madams

I almost forgot I had, umm

This, like, really funny joke I said, back when I was doing stand-up

And I made this drunk guy who sat in the back-of

The front row laugh so hard he could barely stand up

I think his name was Adam

He had a horrible wife and a frequently sad son

His dog, oh wait I don't think he has one

I felt kind of bad for him and uhh

I bought him a Samsung

Damn, the space on my pad's done

Well that was random