Lost Fathers

By Neak

On Kwesbaar

Released on April 23, 2019

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[Verse 1: Neak]

Lost Fathers, I'll say a prayer for you, our Father

Please bring us back to the kids that we had lost sight of

No excuse how we failed them for generations letting the streets co-author they life stories when life faltered

My father raised me though my siblings hate me for it

They fathers didn't visit much and I don't know the story

I seen how women could hold back a child, kill his soul

Make a father run away, tell a child he don't want...

To be involved when really its unresolved love

That lingers on and never been addressed to move on

A major lesson is can you learn to live with regrets

The price you pay when you skate like board P M S

(m)y (s)oul, not the minstrel show they pay us for to blow it on some Robin's jeans dressing up depression

Been there before homies told me rolling cigarillos

With something heavy when all you tryna heal is the soul

A lost father just a broken soul

Who couldn't gain control of what life gave him forgive him Lord

Though we know not what we do you said you'll love us for it, even though we forgiven we can't ignore it, lost fathers...


[Chorus: Erthe St. James]

Say a prayer for the fathers, our fathers Amen

Forgive them cause they don't know what they do

It's alright it's alright it's ok...show em the light

Say a prayer for the fathers, our fathers Amen

Forgive them cause they don't know what they do

It's alright it's alright it's ok...show em the light


[Verse 2: Neak]

I struggle with identity unbeknown me spiritually

I'm seeking to be whole, part of me undiscovered see

I don't know where I come from, don't know what I'm made of, technically I'm numbed out

Reason why it's hard to love myself fully platonic above the Illz, buried inside reels repeated clips of me still fronting

Looking for love no matter how it come to see the sun shining on me halo above to be the most righteous

Validations is poison to be among the likes

Gotta change yourself to fit in you ain't living Midas

Living king living legendary Leonidas

Reach for words to cover up what I don't like about this

This pain that sits so humbly inside, demons in disguise masked up, posing with expensive clothes and see it in my eyes yo I'm so bothered

This the product of a man who doesn't know his father, lost fathers...


[Chorus: Erthe St. James]

Say a prayer for the fathers, our fathers Amen

Forgive them cause they don't know what they do

It's alright it's alright it's ok...show em the light

Say a prayer for the fathers, our fathers Amen

Forgive them cause they don't know what they do

It's alright it's alright it's ok...show em the light


[Interlude]


[Poem: Prentice Powell - excerpt from Arsenio Hall]

I’m tired of us always having to prove our love to our sons

One of the biggest compliments I get a lot of the times

Is how great of a father I am

They see pictures on the internet

And people compliment you a lot because they see photos

And honestly, sometimes, I wanna tell people

“Don’t tell me I’m a good father when you don’t know anything about me”

Fun-loving daddy and son pictures on the Facebook page do not equate to instilling values into your child’s development

And the fact that I’m black should be irrelevant when it comes to my ability to raise my son

My skin tone should not make me any better or worse when it comes to the paternal instinct but

Because fathers like me are apparently extinct I get extra praise

And for what?

For doing what I’m supposed to do?

From strangers?

Strangers who don’t know when my son was born I only got him from twelve-noon on Saturdays to five p.m. on Sundays, when to the court to get more time, came back with twelve-noon on Saturdays to five p.m. on Sundays, plus child support fought for a year, had him for a year and a half if not more, had him fifty percent of the time if not more, only to lose him when he started school to summertime and rotate in the holidays

So when you see me in the streets with my little one and wanna say

“It’s so good seeing a father doing his job spending that quality time” don’t because I am being robbed

Robbed with the greatest gift

Forced to live through pictures on an iPhone to recognize the touch of my lips more than they do my fingertips

And the smell of his lotion every day I rub into my skin so when I smell myself, I think of him

Forced to live through memories that occur within a span of one week

Through occasional on a webcam chat with a child too young to speak back so when he reaches to you through that camera, all you can say is “son, I miss you too”

Or learn watching your son learn how to ride a bike via Skype in the hands of another man and even though he is a good man and you are glad he’s around, that man is not you

And not letting his mother know that all this is getting to you so you get up to grab some tissue because at all times that distance of 3117.4 miles can feel more like 3 million

Try dropping your son off at the airport with three teeth in his mouth go 4 weeks and come back with 5 and see if you don’t beat yourself up for not being around during that time so

Don’t tell me I’m a good father when you don’t know anything about me

Try to convince the court that knows nothing about you that you are simply worthy of time

See thousands of people inspired by your story but still feel that you are getting nowhere

Have people motivated by the pain that sits right here every day inside of your chest and that same pain be the reflection of the amount of love that you possess, I want you to imagine your newborn baby sleep

You’re watching him

Trying to get the sleep patterns down pack praying to get you get it right because you have 1 night not to go 6 days until you get him back, imagine

Being able to fly through this world, doing what you love to do but because of a court order your son before the age of 1 has to fly twice a month, and maybe by the age of 2, he’ll have more frequent flyer miles than you

Try never spending a day in your life locked up in prison and still watch your child grow up primarily through photos

Learn about his milestones via text message or Facebook and see if you don’t feel numb so how can I smile when people tell me I’m such a good father when I feel like I’m not being given enough time to actually be one

Raise your son without feeling like you actually raised him

And I know everything in this world doesn’t always go the way we plan and I can accept that all that’s fine

I just don’t understand how a man can be forced to pay half of daycare, half of medical expenses, food, clothes, water but the same man that laid down to create that child is not automatically given half of the time, something about that situation is not right and when I’m done with this poem, I mean this, I don’t care if any of you clap, I just want my praise, my kudos, my air, my earth, my water, my moon, my sun, my baby, my motivation, my son

I just want my chance

I just want my son Justice Prentice Powell

I want my baby, back