[Chorus]

Don't laugh (Don't laugh)

The paper said

'Cause soon he'll be dead

Don't laugh (Don't laugh)

The paper said

'Cause soon he'll be dead

[Verse 1]

The paper said today

“The band will in fact play

After cancelling their show (Woah)

The doctors had discovered

Deep down inside the drummer

A somewhat large malignant growth”

[Bridge]

(Woah) It was testicular cancer

(Woah) The paper had all the answers

(Woah) They really seemed to have a ball

'Cause cancer's funny after all

Cancer's funny after all

Cancer's funny after all

Cancer's funny after

[Chorus]

Don't laugh (Don't laugh)

The paper said

Cuz soon he'll be dead

Don't laugh (Don't laugh)

The paper said

Cuz soon he'll be dead

[Verse 2]

The paper said today

They diagnosed too late

The prognosis is mighty slim (Woah Woah)

But don't you think it's funny

Cause it's his balls and not his tummy?

Our prayers are with him

[Outro]

The paper said today