[prod. by dj rob]

[intro: mr. master]

New year, new nerdcore

[verse 1: mr. master]

Autodocumentary. Epilogue for modernity

Economic scarcity. Sell the product sparingly

Washington to cherry tree. Chopping block for heresy

Post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy

Y'all tossin' the term logic 'round carelessly

Iron Eyes Cody with the iron sights

On the cherubs in flight through the perilous fight

This American Life

For every terrorist strike

Think you're so charitable

Sendin’ prayers with your shares and your likes. No!

Presidential motorcade through residential area

Roof like the Popemobile after the JFK hysteria

Government subservience. Son of Mr. Berkowitz

At the rubble of Vesuvius like, "Rub a little dirt in it."

Matamoney Master. Yes indeedy dandy

The rap adventures of Billy and Mandy

I'll grab a feather and tickle your fancy

I'm Hannibal Lecter. Ate the liver with Chianti. (ftfthfthfth)

Bear witness to the Tables Ladders Chair match cheer captain

All cheese sandwich

John Cleese ministry moonwalk backwards

I’m 2Pac Shakur in the Gulag

With Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn ‘bout to throw a tantrum

Steffi Graf tennis fan gettin’ Monica Seles stabbed in the back

At my beck and call, I reckon I can

Inconspicuous in a Mr. Softee with Richard Kuklinski

Had to skedaddle off to the Strip ‘cause the Ritz was too chintzy

Nim Chimpsky. Thin Lizzy leather

Wiggy Jiggy Jed walk

This Fizzy Lifting Drink is fizzy as ever

Legion of Decency cease and desist letter in a cross cut shredder

Another satisfied product tester

Dean Martin Roast with a pair of

Dame Edna Everage glasses on for good measure

Swastika X on the Coexist bumper sticker

Pumpernickel

Golden Gate Bridge jumper bungee recoil boa constrictor

Kubler Ross grief model proved to be nothing more

Than a blindfolded dart at the picture

Aimed at no one in particular

Spell of the Svengali out the sepulcher. The spectacle

I saved it and I stabbed it with my signature

Who’d’ve thought that the practice would make it prison work?

The perfect was impossible

The carrot and the stick and string are singular

Circular. Cyclical. Sickle of death. Yes!

Coogi sweater. Googie architecture

Tryna do market research crumbling under margin pressure

I'ma have to charge you extra. Paywall protected

I think we all learned an important lesson

I've got more on my head than Gorbachev

When I prove how much mightier than the sword my pen is

Lorem ipsum is all your lips have formed

Since the dawn of existence

Just call it women's intuition

See how critical my think is. Blink and you'll miss it

I want an official Red Ryder carbine action

200 shot range model air rifle

Leave the Rothschild chair vacant. No fair trial

You play ball like Jeremy Kyle’s fake smile

Aced finals. Bank teller named Miles. Neanderthal cave bible

Wave. Tidal. David's Bridal

This Patreon gon’ pay for my retirement

Burnin’ all this gas must be bad for the environment

Carbon footprint large as Bigfoot’s is. Pseudoscientist

CGI Fridays. Information superhighway

Your pupils dilate. The goose migrates. The marriage bifurcates

The air in cyberspace. Atmospheric fireplace

The house that Ludwig Wittgenstein built. Spiral staircase

Viral ad campaign. Song sponsored by Squarespace

As Burbank burns down, I keep circulating the tapes

The Virgin Mary’s superfluous claims

What does this schlockmeister have in stock today?

Commemorative memorabilia. The Darjeeling Limited train

Incapable of feeling physical pain. Steel link in the chain

They still think I’m insane. Drill bit in my brain

Drank milk for my bones. Blood spilt out my veins

Heaven’s Gate Away Team patch. Police badge

Backstage pass. Freeform jazz

Disease-transmitting paramecium freeze tag

Keebler elf tree lab

Cheetah print everything in the prefab. Egad!

Will Feral Cats. Jackknife. Fishtail crash

Bikini Atoll missile test gone bad

Okay Google. Stop eavesdropping on my innermost thoughts

And trying to filter what videos I can watch

Based on advertising suitability

The entirety of history culminates in a Shakespearean soliloquy

The most extreme of possibilities

Murder mystery. Inconsistency

Intro to philosophy class crashed for kicks

Humor me. Hip to be

Seven man naked Iraqi stacking imagery

The camera captured it digitally

I think about Abu Ghraib everyday

PTSD PSA. Things won’t be the same

Witness Protection deleted my name

Disappeared from the grid

Grippin’ woodgrain. Grabbin’ grip tape

Massive mistake. Passive aggressive piss-take

Them’s the brizzeaks

Cash the check then check the expiration date

Mansplanation debate. Fan the bra flame

Van der Waals force. Chicken chow mein

Visual soundscapes. Breakin’ Newgrounds since the flash games

Machine from way back. Bounce the track wav

Tron the Baptist. Troll the Catholic Church forums’ admins

Ignore ban reports. Bandwidth bandwagon

Puff the asthmatic dragon

The prosthetic limb lamp on the nightstand standin’

Brandin’. AdSense

Matrix defense. Sabre dance

Dashboard Confessional merch. Marching ants

Martial law. Partial blame

Part man, part shablam

Parkinson's hands to a parallel parking exam

Hang around a star for too long, you start gettin’ tan

David Miscaviage patch. Ooga chaka chant

Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga for the Gameboy Advance

Spew chunks. Taste soylent spam. Green eggs and ham

Disneyland map. Detective hat

Election night assassination plot. Yes we can

I'll be damned. John Lang

Swan sang Crosby Stills & Nash in the trap

Comedy cavalcade

Avalanche exclamation point. Dick Cavett face

To Limp O Putterfly. Password break

I'm mulletproof

Sold to the subhuman somebody

Who somehow snuck into Sotheby's

Could you stop rapping in front of me?

Senses tingling. Circus Ringling. Participle dangling

21 Nerf gun salute your shorts. All rise for the national pantsing

I'm Daniel Day Lewis as Abraham Lincoln

Bake you a bit of that devil's pie. That Octavia Spencer

That gas and electric. That man's got a death wish

Showed up a couple decades late for my annual check up

Cast as an extra by a crisis actor director

To pass as a victim of a massacre

Two thumbs up to the camera

Solid gold Sacagawea

Swingin’ from the chandelier

This that Sia. This that wouldn't wanna be ya

Zip zap zonomatopoeia. Lumberjack a log o’ logorrhea

Ultra the free encyclopedia. Museum o’ online oddities

Come and see for yourselves what all the fuss is about

All this valley girl spits is the gum in her mouth

The national parks’re closed. The nation's on furlough

Lost my phone. Call my phone using your phone. Expert mode

The president's having iced tea and chewing a Nicorette

And Boehner’s having a glass of Merlot red wine

And smoking a cigarette

Grand bargain. Big deal

Wind turbine pinwheel

Shag rug. Jizz rag congeal

Door slam you awake

Petty theft. Penny farthing bicycle handlebar brake

Checkmate. Kasparov chess castles and crooks

Infinitive split past the editors. Definitive Jux

This isn’t even music, it’s like reading that book

That I was supposed to read over summer break

And I didn’t even look

The dead coal mine canary

Flashdance chair lever pull to the prom blood drop. Carrie

Voluntary manslaughter

That’s how I beat Aaron Carter

Salvatore Ferragamo. Karen Carpenter

Francis Ford Coppola. Janis Joplin. Samuel Gompers

George Stephanopoulos. Gonzo

Saint Bernard. Cask of Amontillado

Free shavacado. Janeane Garofalo

Rock of Gibraltar eroded. Geronimo

Guantanamo Daisy Carnival

Paper blotter. Bottle full

Figwit lives. Higgs Boson particle

Oceanographer. Jacques Cousteau

Jacques Clouseau. Jean Jacques Rousseau. Sacre bleu

Saturday morning cartoon cereal bowl

Ulterior motive. Strike fear in your soul

Swore I was Zero from Holes

Halcyon days

Hyperion hero. Father of Helios

Fortississimo

George St. Geegland. Prometheus featured role

Joker card rattle between the spokes

Joseph Grimaldi and the Amazing Technicolor TV quote

Reach for the sky through reefer legally smoked

And treat real life like the joke that it is

Fame. I just wanna live. Same

Not enough disk space. Shame. Can’t be saved

Indentured slave workin’ minimum wage

Bars bent on the cage. Visceral rage

Swaths of indigenous slain

Indivisible

With liberty and justice for the ones who can pay

Had to add an amendment

For the people who had somethin’ to say

Funkhouser forever. Master

Get back whence you came

[outro: mr. master]

Bang!

Bang bang bang!

Bang bang bang...