FIRST VILLAGER

We have found a witch. May we burn her?

ALL

A Witch! Burn her!

BEDEVERE

How do you know she is a witch?

ALL

She looks like one. Yes, she does

BEDEVERE

Bring her forward

WITCH

I am not a witch. I am not a witch

BEDEVERE

But you are dressed as one

WITCH

They dressed me up like this

ALL

We didn't, we didn't!

WITCH

This is not my nose, It is a false one

BEDEVERE

Well?

FIRST VILLAGER

... Well, we did do the nose

BEDEVERE

The nose?

FIRST VILLAGER

And the hat. But she is a witch

ALL

A witch, a witch, burn her!

BEDEVERE

Did you dress her up like this?

FIRST VILLAGER

... Um ... Yes ... no ... a bit ... yes... she has got a wart

BEDEVERE

Why do you think she is a witch?

SECOND VILLAGER

She turned me into a newt

BEDEVERE

A newt?

SECOND VILLAGER

I got better

ALL

Burn her anyway

BEDEVERE

Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch

ALL

There are? Tell up. What are they, wise Sir Bedevere?

BEDEVERE

Tell me ... what do you do with witches?

ALL

Burn them!

BEDEVERE

And what do you burn, apart from witches?

FIRST VILLAGER

More witches!

FOURTH VILLAGER

... Wood

BEDEVERE

So why do witches burn?

SECOND VILLAGER

... Because they're made of wood...?

BEDEVERE

Good

ALL

I see. Yes, of course

BEDEVERE

So how can we tell if she is made of wood?

FIRST VILLAGER

Make a bridge out of her

BEDEVERE

Ah ... but can you not also make bridges out of stone?

ALL

Ah. Yes, of course ... um ... err ...

BEDEVERE

Does wood sink in water?

ALL

No, no, It floats. Throw her in the pond Tie weights on her. To the pond

BEDEVERE

Wait. Wait ... tell me, what also floats on water?

ALL

Bread? No, no, no. Apples .... gravy ... very small rocks ...

ARTHUR

A duck

BEDEVERE

Exactly. So... logically ...

FIRST VILLAGER

If she ... weighs the same as a duck ... she's made of wood

BEDEVERE

And therefore?

ALL

A witch!