[DAD]

There are Jews in the world, there are Buddhists

There are Hindus and Mormons, and then

There are those that follow Mohammed, but

I've never been one of them

I'm a Roman Catholic

And have been since before I was born

And the one thing they say about Catholics is:

They'll take you as soon as you're warm

You don't have to be a six-footer

You don't have to have a great brain

You don't have to have any clothes on

You're a Catholic the moment Dad came

Because

Every sperm is sacred

Every sperm is great

If a sperm is wasted

God gets quite irate

[CHILDREN]

Every sperm is sacred

Every sperm is great

If a sperm is wasted

God gets quite irate

[GIRL]

Let the heathen spill theirs

On the dusty ground

God shall make them pay for

Each sperm that can't be found

[CHILDREN]

Every sperm is wanted

Every sperm is good

Every sperm is needed

In your neighbourhood

[MUM]

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon

Spill theirs just anywhere

But God loves those who treat their

Semen with more care

[MEN]

Every sperm is sacred

Every sperm is great

[WOMEN]

If a sperm is wasted

[CHILDREN]

God get quite irate

[PRIEST]

Every sperm is sacred

[BRIDE and GROOM]

Every sperm is good

[NANNIES]

Every sperm is needed

[CARDINALS]

In your neighbourhood!

[CHILDREN]

Every sperm is useful

Every sperm is fine

[FUNERAL CORTEGE]

God needs everybody's

[MOURNER #1]

Mine!

[MOURNER #2]

And mine!

[CORPSE]

And mine!

[NUN]

Let the Pagan spill theirs

O'er mountain, hill, and plain

[HOLY STATUES]

God shall strike them down for

Each sperm that's spilt in vain

[EVERYONE]

Every sperm is sacred

Every sperm is good

Every sperm is needed

In your neighbourhood

Every sperm is sacred

Every sperm is great

If a sperm is wasted

God gets quite iraaaaaate!