I might be your babysitter

I might be your funky clown

Father Christmas in midsummer

Tell you stories when you're down

I might be your homosexual

Lay you down in Amsterdam

Squirt you with my waterpistol

All over Tinseltown

In Vegas we're outrageous

Dancing in my hologram

In my hotel room we're famous

Baby that's the masterplan

Death Valley I will rock you

Tickle you with a crocodile rag

And in disco 3D

Make you smile cos that's my bag

But one thing I'll never be, I'll

Guarantee that's not my style

I will never, pretty baby

Be your funky pedophile

I don't think you're just a minor

I won't treat you like a kid

A person is a person, good or bad, small or big

I wanna be your extraterrestrial

Sex-electric kissogram

Funny uncle or headmaster

Baby that's the masterplan

Coca-Cola, marijuana

Anything you want, just ask

Tabloid papers, discoteca

Polaroid photographs

But one thing I guarantee for I am a decent man

I'll never lose my moral compass

I've drawn the lines in the sand

I might be your babysitter

I might be your funky clown

Father Christmas in midsummer

Tell you stories when you're down

But one thing I'll never be, I'll

Guarantee that's not my style

I will never, pretty baby

Be your funky pedophile