Naked widow Lil took bus inspector Bill

Into her bedroom Monday afternoon at midnight

Pointed up and said:

"Up on the moon there is a stop

Where all the passengers on top

Of buses can look in and see my husband

Lying dead upon the bed"

Well Bill said "Are you kidding me?" and Lil said "No, just come and see

Lie down with me but first take off your clothes to spare us any fuss"

And the moon rose strange and foreign

Charlie's ghost appeared and saw them

But Bill preserved decorum

Saying "It's alright, I'm just waiting for a bus"

And the day that Charlie passed away Lil was there to hear him say

"I've been unfaithful to you in every known position, my dear"

She whispered "Darling never mind, I knew it all the time that's why

I put 9000 miligrams of arsenic trioxide in your beer"

And Charlie's nose was broken once

His grandfather had spoken once

With Romy Schneider's voice

As an extra in The Seven Year Itch

He was taking her bikini wax

As medicine for heart attacks

He'd actually collapse and really die

Every time Romy hit the beach

Lil sent Charlie's ghost down to the butchers shop

To steal a ghastly mutton chop

Because she had no money

And would die if she didn't eat

"I'm sorry, ghost," the butcher said

"But take a whole lamb's head instead

The eyes alone will see you, ghost

See you through the week"

And the day that Charlie passed away Lil was there to hear him say

"I've been unfaithful to you in every known position, Lili dear"

She said "Charlie darling never mind, I knew it all the time

That's why I put 9000 miligrams of arsenic trioxide in your beer"

So naked widow Lil took bus inspector Bill

Into her bedroom Monday afternoon at midnight

Pointed up and said:

"Up on the moon there is a stop

Where all the passengers on top

Of lunar buses can look in and see my husband lying dead"

And the moon rose strange and livid

And Charlie's ghost was vivid

And Lil thought for a minute and said:

"Charlie, I was dying for a friend"