A reoccurring thought

There’s so much more to life than we’re afforded most times

There's so many cultures centered around spirituality

Or the discovery of self, and the pursuit of happiness

I’m exhausted living where I do

Interacting with people who only have this one-dimensional perspective on life

And I’m tired of the culture we live in

We are told to make the best of what we have

When there is no shortage of money or resources in the world

There's only a surplus of greed

I wonder how I keep getting caught in these loops of depression

I’ve found that it’s my environment

An environment that forces me to fit inside a mold I don’t belong just to survive

It drains my autonomy

I find that I do what I have to more than I do what I want

If I could wake up everyday and just be, I‘d be fine

If I could wake up and let the world take me where it will, it might take me to happiness

Jim Carrey said depression is your body telling you it’s tired of playing a character, and I’m tired

My depression isn’t sadness, it’s exhaustion

Who were you before the world told you who you were

Think about what it is that you do most often

Now imagine a life without it

Who are you outside of what you do

And that person

The one at my core is who is tired of being put to the side for masks I’m forced to wear or

People i’m forced to be

Versions of myself i have to put on to appease those around me

I’m not sad, I’m tired

There’s so much more to life than what we’re afforded sometimes

I look at the sky, and it reminds me there is always a part of the world I haven’t reached

It reminds me there is always more

I dream about a life waking up

In an apartment somewhere warm

And as the sun creeps over the windows

The only sound I hear is nature

And slight rain

There are no cars, or people

There is a silence beyond quietness

And for a second, I feel completely alone on earth

I think, “what do I have to do today?”

And a feeling of relief flushes over me

Nothing at all