[Verse 1]

One lonely evening alone home

End up with carpal tunnel syndrome

Here I am, known for giving heavy back aches

Grown and living off of Little Debbie snack cakes

Supposed to be checking emails

All I got is messages from ass naked females (Cookies!)

I don't know no Jenny

She said it's free and I won't owe her a penny

And that's the last time I saw her

But thousands of more horrors on online Gomorrah

And Sodom, they got 'em with their curls out

And they got a better salеs pitch than the Girl Scouts

I wonder what I owe hеr

For a whole box of caramel coconut samoa

("Nite nite") Uh, okay honey, sweet dreams

Now it gets very serious like Peek Freans

A metal handful, squish it on the quilt

Mrs. wakes up and I'm kill't over spilt milk

Locked in, looking at your picture

Fully clothed winter and I'm right there with ya

Thinking about the last time I split your wishbone

A man could only wish you do the same 'til he get home

Fat chance, at least he got snacks

That'd have to do 'til a brother get back

Until then smack One-Eyed Jack

And hope one of his peoples can hook him with a tri-pack

That's three different flavors

Chocolate, vanilla and strawberry wafers

He acting all hard, 'bout to get beat up

I'll show him what time it is once I get this sheet up

Soon as he fell off the beat down

All I hear is, "13th cell put the sheet down"

Damn C.O., what the hell does she know?

Besides the fact she want her back dug out on the d-low

A workaholic with a fountain in the ink pen

House in the mountains and he stopped drinking again

In the wee hours, he's gotten farther

Needing three showers, being hot and bothered

The wiz with her leg bent, pregnant

God bless the day she wondered where her egg went

He got the L but it's hard to drink without it

And I could use some cookies but try not to think about it

Watching "BET" on jazz for knowledge on file

Every other commercial, "college hoes gone wild"

Soft batch, he prefer the other bunch

Like they got for lunch, chocolate fudge butter crunch

[Sample of Cookie Monster Eating]

[Instrumental Break]

Bring it back

[Verse 2]

Don't mess with the Ritz Bits (No)

Wheat Thins, Saltines or Triscuits (No)

Matzos or Cheez-Its

Catch sugar fits every time that he see a nice pair of

Chips Ahoy, double chocolate chunk

Something with the bubble and the junk in the trunk

Even the Oreos, no matter what weather

Always kept 'em dipped in milk and stuck together

In the game he's shameless

Even uses a code name: Famous Amos

Cheaper than a short stay at the Days Inn

And good like 25 cent oatmeal raisin

Give it up to who invented the camera

Never mind the gingerbread man or the Grandma’s

Shh, make sure she don't wake from her dream chill

Or get caught with a handful of cream fill

[Interlude]

"Cookies"

"Ew!"

It might seem ill

"Go wash your hands! That's nasty."

Kookies

"Oh ho, cookies!"

[Outro: Samples]

(UN leader): We shall now vote for a new world leader. I nominate, DOOM. All in favor, say "Aye"

(Delegates (In unison)): Aye!

(John Jameson): Oh no

(DOOM): DOOM, is master of the world

(Spider-Man): I'd sure hate to see that ugly mug of yours in my history book

(DOOM): You've disturbed me for the last time

(Ben, The Thing): Hey, y'know something gang, that DOOM ain't really all bad

(Sue, The Invisible Woman): What do you mean, Ben?

(Ben, The Thing): Well, on account of him I had me a real good time. Y'know, I mean, between you and me I kinda like being black

(H.E.R.B.I.E.): Well, maybe if we're lucky he'll attack us once more and send you back, Benjamin

(Ben, The Thing): Ah-haha very funny, very very funny

(Sue, The Invisible Woman): He must be mad

(Dr. Reed, Mister Fantastic): Well, if anyone can do it. Nevertheless let's get out of here, while we can

(Misc. voice): Food, we need food