[Verse 1]

This morning it occurred to me

I might not look quite like a natural blonde

And I can't help but feel conned

The picture on the package

Showed a model with no baggage

Promising wild sex and marriage

With a big colour chart wand

[Verse 2]

This morning it occurred to me

I never will quite have a supermodel's legs

(Never in a million years)

Unless I cut each one in half

Become half an octopus

The two become synonymous

With cocaine, glamour, riches, beauty and crack

[Pre-Chorus]

I took a trip to the National Gallery for

There was something more refreshing in what Rubens saw

[Chorus]

My supermodel's legs

Think they were plucked from a Ruben-esque world

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

My supermodel's legs

Look pretty crap on a five-foot-four girl

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

[Refrain]

Oh, women, men and in-betweens

Why don't you just stop dieting?

Go bake, eat cake

Go cheer, drink beer

Worrying is boring

[Verse 3]

If people said "Eat loads of cake"

You wouldn't want much anyway

And then you wouldn't stuff your face

And look like King Henry the Eighth

Instead we're told off every day

For living our lives the wrong damn way

Suck my left one's what I say

If I want six coffees a day

[Refrain]

Oh, women, men and in-betweens

Why don't you just stop dieting?

Go bake, eat cake

Go cheer, drink beer

Worrying is boring me

[Pre-Chorus]

Oh, I get more turned on by pink cupcakes than heroin

Not rock and roll, I'm much more Mary Poppins

[Chorus]

Oh, supermodel's legs

They never held up much weight in my world

(Ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah)

Oh, supermodel's legs

'Cause women should be women

Girls should be allowed to be girls

(Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)

[Outro]

(Too right)