"Uncle mac, will you read us a bedtime story?"

No! You guys are like 28, move out of your mom's basement!

I once knew a guy named Bareknuckle Chris

82 pounds, stood 4-foot-6

He sat up at the bar by himself every night

With a mean attitude and a balled-up fist

Now all around town everybody asked why

He tried to start a fight with everyone that walked by

But he was so small, that Bareknuckle Chris

That he always had a broken nose and two black eyes

People said that he was insecure inside

Full of piss and vinegar and full of male pride

But when the whole town found out about Chris

Every night the bar was full with a line outside

Some brought billy clubs, some brought pipes

And everyone knew that he would never win a fight

Bareknuckle Chris always threw the first punch

But the person always chuckled and punched out his lights

Now Ringside Ripley was 20 years old

A second-rate boxer with gloves made of gold

But he was getting tired of living in the shadows

Of all the Bareknuckle Chris tales that were told

So he went to the pub in a peacock coat

And picked up Bareknuckle Chris by the throat

He waited till the crowd cheered really really loud

Then he punched him so hard that his whole face broke

He held Chris up then he said

"Stand clear! I'm Ringside Ripley, the champ of the year!"

He slammed Chris down on a pinball machine

Then he bought everybody in the crowd a cold beer

Then they hobnobbed through the dark black night

And Ripley told war stories all about his fights

He spent every dollar that he had on the people at the pub

Cause they made his self-esteem take flight

Well, Tank the bartender had a face made of stone

He cut the drinks off and sent everybody home

But everybody went over to Ringside Ripley's

Cause he said he had flying monkey of his own

When everyone was gone tank pulled out a cloth

And washed all the barstools and tabletops off

He saw Bareknuckle Chris laying unconscious

And walked up and said "Time to go home, boy!"

See Bareknuckle Chris came from a tall family

His daddy drank whiskey and bourbon and brandy

He had 2 brothers that were 8 foot tall

So at a young age he had to learn how to brawl

The whole family treated him like he was a disgrace

They slapped him, punched him, and kicked him in the face

Just like the drunks did every single night

When they walked by Chris hoping he would start a fight

See at a young age Chris learned very quickly

How violent by nature that human beings are

So even though he acted like the village idiot

Bareknuckle Chris was the owner of that bar

He didn't want friends, he just wanted revenge

And every time someone came to kick his ass

They acted like a bully but little did they know

They were giving Bareknuckle Chris all their cash

The moral of the story will catch you in a blink

Why the hell do you care what other people think?

Manipulate your own goddamn truth

Package that shit up and sell it to the world

The moral of the story will catch you in a blink

Why the hell do you care what other people think?

Never tell somebody when you have the power

Take their own weakness and sell it back to 'em