[Verse 1: Lil Dicky]

I gotta problem with my dick

Been hating on him since I was a kid

Way before I ever put him in a bitch, goin' back y'all

Never wanna trash talk so I made a track

We could rap on, keep us intact

And I know the fact is that you Jewish, but I don't want no excuses for your size

I know hella jewish guys who grew up between them thighs

But no, you actin' like you was four, you haven't changed since we young

It's sad you that immature, and I don't get it

I'm getting bitches, get you in kittens other dicks would die for

But I'm barely hittin' it, when a minutes ya high score

And now it's real bad cause you ain't movin on

You twenty something and still live above ya two balls

I been getting nine to five's

But I been keepin' us wit bitches that was tryna ride

But you a mafuckin' fiend, and it's mean

We supposed to be a team

You a dick, but I wish I had a penis

[Hook 1: Lil Dicky]

And this about a dick

Who never took the time to grow

And cum the second that he get in that vagina hole

And I ain't lovin butting heads like this

But you gotta stop fucking up my shit

And I ain't feelin bad

And I don't give a fuck about your problems

But lay 'em the table, maybe we can solve 'em

Cause you and I, we attached at the hip

So we better get this settled up and fixed right now dick

[Verse 2: Lil Dicky as his Penis]

Hold up, Dicky, you ain't really mean it

You got the nerve to tell me you the one mistreated?

I don't believe it, it's nothing but egregious

Cause I'm the one that's been getting beaten obscenely

In this motherfucker right now, that's a fact

And my homies from my sack'll have my back, you wacking

Me every motherfucking day, you acting like it's okay

But imagine waking up feelin' afraid, I'm prayin' you stop abusing

And you confused if you blame me for the ejacs

This about your brain, I came because I react

Hope that you concede that cause it's on you

Need to distract, what can I do if you never relax

You see it's actually you that's in control all our faculties

The pre-ejaculatory crap is a sorely inaccurate

Actin' like you was deploring me, warranted insecurity

Scoring, ignoring the forming of your own immaturity (not true)

And now the prematurity's on ma head

But you know damn well it should be up on yours instead

But if you loved and accepted me then that wouldn't be a problem

Instead I'm in a dick numbing condom

[Hook 2: Dick]

And this about a kid

Who never took the time to grow

And cum the second that he get in that vagina hole

And I ain't lovin' butting heads like this

But you gotta stop fucking up ma shit

And I ain't feelin' bad

And I don't give a fuck aboutcha problems

But lay 'em the table, maybe we can solve 'em

Cause you and I we attached at the hip

So we better get this settled up and fixed, right now kid

[Verse 3: Lil Dicky & Dick]

Wow, I think you need to get a grip dude

I'd say the same, but I'm betting that you will soon

Real funny dick, I can't even stomach this

How you gon' act like I'm wacking ya shit for nuffin

He frontin' up in this mothafucka, bluffin' on the beat

Wouldn't beat him without a reason he sung it incomplete

Tell me why then, why you always tucked in ma jeans?

It's cause I'm wit a woodpecker like I'm stuck in a tree

Well I confess I'm erect on occasion

But up in the Bahamas— hold up we that was a vacation

Is that what you call it? As I recall

You was mauling me day and night

Only sex you got was dry, aggressively rubbing fly

I was chaffed up, you the fuckin' problem dicky, wake up

Well what about the time you wasn't stayin' up?

I was wit a top 5 dime of ma life

Well you the guy that was drinkin' all the goddamn wine

Fuck that, you a cold, crooked mafucka, where's your heart?

And you a toad looking muthafucka: Mario Kart

So this is it? This is it, you a dick I need a penis

No you a dick, I need a human being

[Hook 3: Lil Dicky & Dick]

So this shit about a kid (dick)

Who never took the time to grow

And cum the second that he get in that vagina hole

And I ain't lovin butting heads like this

But you gotta stop fuckin up ma shit

And I ain't feelin bad

And I don't give a fuck aboutcha problems

But lay 'em the table, maybe we can solve 'em

Cuz you and I we attached at the hip

So we better get this settled up and fixed, right now dick