You lied to my face

You lied to my heart

You lied all the time

And it tore me apart

My self-care was shrinking

Tears pouring out my eyes

And when you left me

There was nothing left inside

Your fists were tightening

Facial expression frightening

Footsteps like thunder

And your words like lightning

My heart was broken

I didn't know what to do

All that was left for me

Was to crawl back to you

My life was going by

It left me feeling confused

Was it tough love

Or was I being used

Even if it was love

It felt so abused

Mistaken, Mistreated

And most definitely misused

I TRIED to make you happy

While I felt all alone

I TRIED to call you

But you won't pick up the phone

I TRIED to stay sane

And ignore what was going on

I TRIED to love you

But you put me in that zone-

Where my life is crumbling

I need help

I'm struggling

While I try to walk

My legs are stumbling

The knife to my wrist

Thinking that I'm done with this

Listening to all of your crap

Saying that you love me

All those "Kind" words

I knew that they were fake

You were saying them to me

But for your own sake

I TRIED to make you happy

While I felt all alone

I TRIED to call you

But you wouldn’t pick up the phone

I TRIED to stay sane

And ignore what was going on

I TRIED to love you

But you put me in that zone-

No matter how much you swore

I ain’t opening that door

I kept thinking you would change

But you’d only damage me more…

I’ve been sitting here thinking that you’d love me more

Thinking maybe my decision was poor

Waiting for you to walk inside that door

I look at the time and just about four

Trying to believe that you were just at the store

Thought it was a dream but of course there was more

I ain’t one to bring up the past but

You left me feeling dead, got me feeling star-struck

I don’t know what to do

Guess I’m really out of luck

Now the side you never got to see

Six weeks

No sleep

All I heard was my heartbeat

On a pulse machine

My eyes start to open, and I see my family

I look left and I see you staring right back at me

A minute felt like an hour

An hour felt like a day

Dear God

I don’t know what to do, or what I should say

But I’m on knees and I pray

“Dear God, forgive me, please give me this day

My family needs me to stay

Five more minutes please

Then you can take my life away”

Tomorrow is another day

But is not promised

It’s no secret

From your grace I’ve fallen

And I’ve hit the bottom-

“What was that?-

G-pa calling?”

Tell me about when you served in Vietnam

Was it hard?

Are you scarred?

I’ve been through the worst

I swear my mom and I are cursed

Fifteen long years of hurt

I don’t have a dad, he left me in the dirt

He wasn’t even there for my birth

For whatever it’s worth

I hope you’re hearing this now

But I hope you go to hell and burn

And when you do, I’ll take the urn

And place it six feet in the ground

So the demon won’t be found

A message to my siblings

Please know that I am searching for you

Just know that I’ve only met a few

And if you get this message

Just know you’re a blessing

And always power through the wreckage

Hit my line or hit me back

Just know that…

You’re always welcome back…

Last but not least

A message to my father

I hope you never prosper

You’ll never fix what you’ve broken

So don’t even bother

Now my word is spoken

The bond me and my mother have

Will always remain unbroken