[Verse 1]

When I pull the Three-Oh-Seven out of Marsport

The weather station said, "Storms all the way"

They stuck me with a cargo of live chickens

A dozen drunken miners, and five hungover Shriners

Now the brake jet linings all were worn and pitted

And the gasket on the cargo hatch was gone

I figured we could get as far as Phobos

But I didn't think we'd get much further on

[Chorus]

And I'm looking for an asteroid named Rest Stop

Relief driver damn well better be waiting for me there

'Cause after fifteen hours of bussing

Third-class cargo and riders cussing

I just might drive to blazes and not care

[Verse 2]

I chugged on up to Phobos on our last fumes

And prayed their engineers could heal my jets

'Cause storms had broke the locks and freed the chickens

They was crapping on the miners, and running from the Shriners

'Til my jets was full of feathers and limp fezzes

And the two latrines were backed up in the hall

With chicken crap and ore dust on my main bridge

I could only hope that Phobos heard my call

[Chorus]

And I'm looking for an asteroid named Rest Stop

Relief driver damn well better be waiting for me there

'Cause after fifteen hours of bussing

Third-class cargo and riders cussing

I just might drive to blazes and not care

[Verse 3]

At Phobos port they held me up in docking

Then stuck me off in Bay One-Seventeen (downwind!)

The custom man walked in, breathed once, and fainted

Then got up, ran out, and screamed for a fumigation team

The passengers ran for the door and jammed it

It took a quarter-hour to haul them clear

I found a bar and broke some regulations

Then I went out looking for an engineer

[Chorus]

And I'm looking for an asteroid named Rest Stop

Relief driver damn well better be waiting for me there

'Cause after fifteen hours of bussing

Third-class cargo and riders cussing

I just might drive to blazes and not care

[Verse 4]

I found this Joe Von Krugan on a barstool

So drunk on coolant fumes he couldn't stand

I told him I could pay him in fresh chickens

If he'd try to fix my drive so I could leave that port alive

He staggered to my ship and stood there laughing

While bedraggled, spaced-out chickens filled the air

He sat down on the nearest passed-out Shriner

And he said, "Just shoot the ship; it's only fair"

[Chorus]

And I'm looking for an asteroid named Rest Stop

Relief driver damn well better be waiting for me there

'Cause after fifteen hours of bussing

Third-class cargo and riders cussing

I just might drive to blazes and not care

[Verse 5]

I call the third-shift office and they told me

"Son, there's no replacement short of your next stop"

I paid out four fat chickens for a patch job

Got my riders back on board, then in came seven more

God, they were Martian mercenaries, mean as cat-dirt

And some damn fool miner offered them a fight

They was hacking through my back seats with machetes

As I cleared that port and drove out through the night

[Chorus]

And I'm looking for an asteroid named Rest Stop

Relief driver damn well better be waiting for me there

'Cause after fifteen hours of bussing

Third-class cargo and riders cussing

I might just drive to blazes and not care

[Verse 6]

I locked the ports and holed up in the cabin

And listened to the ruckus in the rear

Then I got a wild idea and cut the g-force

And let folks and fowl and all go mix up in free-fall

Now I nurse my rusty engines toward that asteroid

When they ask me what my cargo is I'll say

"It's free-fall Martian stew and chicken gumbo"

Lord, that station better not be far away

[Chorus]

And I'm looking for an asteroid named Rest Stop

Relief driver damn well better be waiting for me there

'Cause after fifteen hours of bussing

Third-class cargo and riders cussing

I just might drive to blazes and not care