I chose to lead the quieter sort of artist's life

No kids, no wife

They weren’t part of my plan

And sometimes I have conversations with the dead

I'm off my head

A quite peculiar man

And if you say I should proceed a good deal more like other chaps

I'd say ‘Perhaps

But that’s the way I am'

And if you say this clearly shows a certain lack of moral health

I'd say ‘Go fuck yourself!

I'm happy as a clam

I may be a selfish shellfish

Just a crusty old crustacean

With ideas above his station

Yes I may be a selfish shellfish

But here within my cloister

The whole cosmos is my oyster

And as the fish swim past, I hear one cry

‘That's the prawn that makes those records

That no one wants to buy'

I seem to have a certain knack for melodies

With harmonies

That linger in the mind

But a critic pointed out that all my songs appeared

To be quite weird

And he was being kind

And if you say I should have used this gift to make a bob or two

I'd say ‘That's true

I’ve probably been a fool’

And if you say my work has failed and thus my life has been misspent

I'd say ‘Get bent!’

I'm stubborn as a moule

I may be a selfish shellfish

A sort of crabby hermit

Who makes art without a permit

Yes, I may be a selfish shellfish

But let the flashy abalones

Win applause by being phoneys

I will stay under my rock and do my art

To be such a lucky winkle warms the cockles of my heart

I may be a selfish shellfish

Like a scallop or an ormer

But perhaps more like the former

Yes, I may be a selfish shellfish

Of the order Gastropoda

With a charming, fishy odour

Yes, I may be a selfish shellfish

But you can have to much of me

I can bring on an allergy

And so I'll really have to try

To say ‘Goodbye, good bivalve, goodbye'