Scars - Intellectual

[Verse 1]

No, I'm not perfect, never said I was

I keep it on the surface, never give enough

Got BPD and OCD

So when you see me, you don't really see me

Always do the same thing just to maintain

If I don't, I'ma break things, say insane things

I don't really wanna talk about it, I want help

Swear it's so hard for me to love myself

I can't enjoy the good days 'cause I know the dark comes next

I'm a child of divorce, that explains my stress

I was ten years old, future pulled out from under me

Never had much stability to comfort me

Cold nights in my fathеr's trailer

Funny how I miss those times

Funny how it nеver really crossed my mind

Up until those days get far behind

I've been searching for a purpose, to make life worth it

Trying to unearth it, hate that death's certain

Thinking all the things that I took for granted

All this success, could've never planned it

Yeah, I've been thinking 'bout my life in the past tense

If I never dealt with that, would I rap then?

All the traumas that I went through made me me and everything I be

[Pre-Chorus]

Makin' all these scars

It hurts me right before I run away too far

I'll never let a soul in

One day I'll find the peace of mind

The peace of mind (Oh)

[Chorus]

And it's been so hard to handle the pressure

Worse before it'll get better

Scared that I'm drowning

But I keep going, I have to ease it up

Bury my head in the sand, but I'll be a better man

I just close my eyes and pray that I'll be fine

[Post-Chorus]

At night I stay awake

Longing for the day I change

I wanna change sometimes

And I just stay awake hoping all my stitches fade

(But all these scars will never fade away)

[Verse 2]

Used to be young, I miss those days when I could be dumb

But I had to grow up fast 'cause life came at me

And I miss life when I was no one

Used to be broke, used to be alone in my room playin' shows

Grippin' the mic and I would kill it when I was low

Everything change when I came up

Now I'm just someone I barely know

And I'm cutting people off too easily and it scares me

Mom did the same and it hurt me, but don't compare me

Set to explode, I approach pain rarely

Have you ever felt sane? (Barely)

Dark days, always in a dark place

Doing things the hard way, I don't wanna start things

So I'm just keeping to myself, want a way out

But I might need help