[Intro]

[Couple] Hello, Robbie!

[Robbie] Hello!

[Verse 1]

Welcome home, Mr. and Mrs

What is this? I'll tell you, this is

Just a package I’ve been holding

It's addressed to Mrs. Goldstein

What a co-op, what a lobby

Every slob is acting snobby

But you take a tip from Robbie

You should tip your doorman

The holidays are merry

All the secrets that I carry

One slip of the lip is scary

'Cause tomorrow you’re not married

[Chorus 1]

I open the door, give kids high fives

One, two, three

I open the door and I watch your lives

And the things you do

So you better tip me

'Cause I watch your lives

[Verse 2]

Mr. Adams, Mrs. Eve

This is your gift, I do believe?

A tree planted in Tel Aviv?

For your marriage, I now grieve

You see only him and me know

Back when you were getting chemo

That nurse who was Filipino

Got knocked up with a bambino

And he shipped them off to Reno

And you should have tipped me better

At least 100 and a sweater

Make it cashmere, there's a letter

From the nurse that would upset her

[Chorus 2]

I open the door, give kids high fives

One, two, three

I open the door and I watch your lives

Your private lives

Co-op, cooperate with me