What are you supposed to say

When a friend of yours is going to meet

Another one of their friends

Who you don’t know very well

Do you say “send them my love”?

Cause that’s a fucking weird thing to say

To someone you only met once in Sainsbury’s

What are you supposed to say

When a friend of yours is going to meet

Another one of their friends

Who you don’t know very well

Do you say “send my regards”?

Cause that’s a fucking creepy thing to say

You sound like a Victorian vicar who hates women (who hates women)

What are you supposed to say

When a friend of yours is going to meet

Another one of their friends

Who you don’t know very well

Do you say “Say hi from me”?

Cause that’s a fucking lame thing to say

Who wants to hear the same word "Hi,"

From a guy they met once by the puddings and pies?

I’m the conversational embodiment

Of shaking someone’s hand when they try to fist bump

But that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t try, oh yeah

It means that I should give up and die