[Skit]

The following message is transmitted

At the request of the United States Government

The North American Aerospace Defense Command

Has detected the launch of ten ballistic missiles

Which are headed for the United States

These missiles are presumed to contain nuclear warheads

And are predicted to make impact

Within the next 15 to 25 minutes

Predicted impact sites include

Boston, Massachusetts

San Francisco, California

Los Angeles, California

New York City

Washington, D.C

Providence, Rhode Island

Hartford, Connecticut

San Diego, California

Seattle, Washington

And Chicago, Illinois

All persons within 100 miles of the impacted areas

Should seek out a fallout shelter now

If no such shelter exists in your area

Get as far underground as possible

Stay away from windows