[Jam Baxter]

I rushed in on the ground floor

Swinging my south paw

Thought I’d escaped from the criminals outdoors

Swore I was safe when a sinister sound caused

My ears to bleed in a militant downpour

And as they pissed hundreds of litres of blood

I nearly slipped up from the speed of the flood

When a demon encrusted with leeches and pus

Starts screaming and beating my feet into mush

Quick tings I rip my teeth from my gums

Just to stab to him in his creature-ous features and run

But my feet have become ‘nuff burnt and infected

Septic and spurting with curdling red shit

Grabbing loose flesh and some dirty intestines

I fashion new legs started searching for exits

Turned to the left when the worms I’d ingested

Dispersed from my neck where my sternum connected

They were like [AAAAGHHH]

And I was like FUCK

Dussin’ up to the first floor clutching my guts

Banging at the door sat there rusted and shut

But I spat a raw bar and it crumbled to dust

The whole room was strange and it stunk of the musk

Of some old tuna steak plus fungus and lust

Heard a thundering crunch, chundered my lunch in disgust

What the fuck is that?

What the fuck is that?!

Fuck…that is butters…

It’s every girl I’ve ever banged in the world and never rang

All forced in a monster of dirty messy flange

So I bun eleven grams of some dirty smelly ganj

Tryna fumigate the room but that weren’t a heavy plan

Cos I’m lean now, boss I’m wax on wax off

Plugged up the gash with some tampons dashed off

Whipped out my brick and dialed 999

But the voice on the line screamed ‘DIE DIE DIE!’

I thought, rah I’ll ring Ronnie

And if he’s still alive, tell him

Bring a kitchen knife and then swing for his frigging life

But I couldn’t speak with my toothless mouth it’s like…

[Ronnie Bosh]

Whagwan you stupid clown?

Look I’m tryna dig this groupie out

What the fuck you hoovered down?

[Jam Baxter]

Man I was trying to explain all the fuckery before

All that came out was [MUMBLE]

But suddenly he paused, like…

[Ronnie Bosh]

Bruv, there’s someone at the door

It better be that scummy motherfucker with my draw

Or I’m bussin’ up his jaw, no long

Huh, I’m gonna get the door, hold on

[Jam Baxter]

Ruhhh, they got to him too

Fuck it I’ll get over it, Hieronymus who?

I got boppin’ to do, through this ominous goo

Stuck my guts back in with a bottle of glue

I gotta boom, straight duss to the second floor

Met by a sweaty severed head by a metal door

Retching with seven doors slobbering slush

Vomiting bugs and slop from acuminous slugs

And if that wasn’t enough, swaying from the ceiling

Were forty-four corpses dripping and congealing

Pickling and bleeding, reach for my spine

Ripped at the leeches and beetles and flies

As the insects ran back to the nest

Bun rounds saw Ron Bosh back from the dead

But the man was possessed on some Dracula flex

With his face hanging off and mad scabs on his flesh

Got an axe to my neck and there’s crabs in my crepes

And a rancid tarantula clamped to my chest

I tried to black but collapsed as he said…

FUCK YOU JAM BAXTER YOU’RE DEAD!!!