[Verse 1]

This tale begins about half nine in the morning

Strolling down the hill to the station

Stopping at the shop at the Hyde for some supplies

Super duper dragon soup, a few G&Ts, slim limes

All aboard the piss up express, straight through

No connection, under lights won't even know what’s hit them

Arrive in time to see the sunrise

Waltz down to the hot box bottomless brunch with a bunch of top dogs

[Chorus]

I'm not concerned for my own safety

I don't think I need to worry

[Verse 2]

I’m keen for the breakfast poutine and about fifteen

Elderflower Proseccos will do me very nicely

It's just about hit midday

Swoop and sway out the gaff, join the prattle parade

Shuffle down the old crown and shuttle

Run shuttle run to the bar for a tipple

I'm past the point of understanding what I'm doing

But not just be singing, proper loud, quite annoying

[Chorus]

I'm not concerned for the people around me

I don't think I need to be sorry

[Verse 3]

Realise there's some other place you're supposed to be

A big leaving do for AB and UT

Run back round the corner to Liverpool Street

And scout the boards for the train possibilities

If only the numbers and the letters were in focus

Deciphering isn’t at its easiest

Conversation’s a little bit hopeless

Where's my bag?

Where’s your bag?

Where's the tickets?

[Chorus]

I'm quite concerned, I can't really see

I’m starting to feel a little bit worried

[Verse 4]

Gab's already fallen asleep and so I shook her

Probably looks abusive to concerned onlookers

Magically purchased some new tickets

Only 30 quid singles back to Essex

I'm sat there thinking to myself, what a bargain

Sipping smoothie on a Stella Artois can

Little snooze on the cruise back to Camulodunum

Managed somehow to disembark the train at North Station

[Chorus]

My next concern is where is the taxi?

There's one right here, but he says he's not free

[Verse 5]

Ride the taxi man with a tenner

Drops us off front door of the foresters

I chat to my dad's old football mates for three hours

And then I realise that bedtime is needed

I can't get in my house, I've lost my fucking keys

I've lost my girlfriend too, last remember she was with me

Shall I smash the window in to open the door

Or is that a ridiculous decision I'll regret in the morning?

I call round the gang to try and find some advice

Managed to get myself a safe bed for the night

I wake up the next day feeling very much flustered

I really fucking hope I haven't killed Gabriella

[Chorus]

I'm quite concerned for Gab's safety

Panic stations, whereabouts is she?

[Verse 6]

It turns out it was all breezy, all gravy

She was taken in by AB, UT and Tim C

She'd also found herself a safe place to sleep

And was alive and well, much to my relief

Still neither of us had our bags or keys

Getting in the house was the main priority

146 to the rescue, one backpack's been found

The other had been left back down the public house

Home time safe and what a right old faff

Pulled out the sofa bed, TV movies and kebabs

(Fucking hell)

[Chorus]

To all concerned, I want to say sorry

The poorest of forms, please accept my apology

[Outro]

I don't actually like this story very much

Thinking about it still makes me feel anxious

But perhaps there's some educational use for this adventure

A cautionary tale not to be repeated in the future