Hook:

(Yeah) I am a mess, I am not perfect, I'm here to confess

(I'm here to confess)

I was secretly depressed and not only cause my daddy left

(My daddy left) My heart was broken twice

Both of them girls ripped it out of my chest

(Ripped it out of my chest) And now all these demons attacking

It seems like they never give me rest (never give me rest)

Bridge:

I try to make sense of it all, but some of it's way too complex

(Way too complex) I'm tired of hurting, it's hard to express

I feel my life's a wreck (feel it's a wreck)

So I fall to my knees and I pray to the Lord

Is this really a test? (Is this really a test?)

He told me that everything I've been through is a refining process

(Yeah)

Verse 1:

(Yeah) I was just six when my daddy left

I had no clue what was going on

I woke up one morning and he was gone

Why would he leave us? Man, I was confused (yeah)

People keep asking me questions, but I'm really not in the mood

Then out of nowhere, these people took me from my mama

I remember me and both of my sisters had to move (what?)

Yeah, I barely got to see my mama

I lived with people that I didn't know (yeah)

See, I was broken and scared to death

Wondering why my daddy never showed (he didn't)

Going from home to home with my two sisters

Then suddenly they split us up (yeah)

I was confused, had no clue what to do

See my family was ripped apart in just a matter of months (for real)

(Yeah) It's hard coping with the emotions, I just felt like giving up

(Yeah) Even today it still haunts me

The thoughts in my head of him not even missing us (for real)

(Yeah) Growing up dealing was that was the hardest

Trying to keep up my guard in the darkness

Making me noxious 'cause I still got skeletons in my closet (yeah)

I wrote a song to my dad, forgiving him for what he done (I did)

But forgiving doesn't mean I want him back in my life

In his eyes, I'm not his son (nah)

I had to accept it, I learned a lot of lessons

Like all my messes had a message (yeah)

I finally realized that God was refining me

Still I was always protected (yeah)

Verse 2:

Looking back all through my life

I've realized I gave up my heart only twice (for real)

Both of those times, I ended up hurt

I regret I forgot about Christ (yeah)

Yeah, I tried to cope with all the pain by myself

But it never seemed to work (nah)

Instead I was laying in bed every single night

Trying to fight all the hurt (that's real)

They promised they would never hurt me

I was dumb enough to believe it

They ended up leaving, deceiving me

I was left all alone trying to find out the reasoning (yeah)

Man, what do I do? I was so confused, It messed up my views

Now I look at people differently, you can call it an epiphany

Wanna be in my life? Show me the proof

In other words, if you don't wanna be in it

I'm not losing anymore sleep

Tired of fighting to keep people in my life

Who decide they wanna leave (yeah)

I hardened my heart

And that opened a door for the demons to creep

They kept beating me until I couldn't stand up

Then all of a sudden Christ brought me back to my feet (for real)

He showed me that everything really happens for a reason

The pain and the hurt only last for a season

The demons are weakened when Christ shows you freedom

(That's real) Yeah, every mess becomes a message

Every testimony's created by a test (yeah)

So when that fire hits you

Just know that you're going through a refining process

Written By: James Robert Ford (J Knockz)

Album: Refining Process

Release Date: November 6, 2018

© 2018 J Knockz Music