2019, it seemed everything was different

And I know those years were different

All the shit that I was living

I was ignorant

I got info all at once

I couldn't sit with it

I would run, run, run

I couldn't live with it

I grabbed the gun, fun

Mom, your son is giving into it

And wishing I could undo all the shit I said

The only option seemed like painting walls red

I don't care who I helped

I’m done

I can't be helped

I’ll run

And force release

It’s all I want

Went through hell

And for what?

I stood ground till I was shunned

I don’t need a pill to feel okay

And that’s because now I don’t talk to you

Look, I think of how you spoke to me

Like, “Who the fuck you talking to?"

I guess you like it when your friends don't leave the house

Babe, you're married to your hand

I was married to my outs

Shit

No job, but I’m working

I got cash in my jeans

I know why y’all are mean

Nothing’s changed since your teens

I was pushed out of the crowd

And I’m glad they let me out

Called irrelevant

But, that just means my name is out their mouths

Vistaril before we'd call

You never loved me like I loved you

Y’all don't care at all

I wish it wasn't so impossible to let you go

I just walked away and didn't really let them know

And when you never hit me up, I’ll know I’m acting fair

This ain't a friend group, it's a ladder

And I felt the tears

You lost faith

Or did you finally just let it show

That I’ve been worthless in your eyes 'cus I’m letting go?

I wanna talk about what's hurting, not just laugh it off

I wanna talk without a filter, but you'll fucking scoff

I wanna love myself and be me till it's all I know

Please don't hit me with facades

I just wanna grow

It was always gonna end

At least I had you as a friend

I went through more than I could ever show you

I let go of all of me

And put me back together

Give me space

I was always alone

Stuck in my head

Latching onto every word that filled me with dread