[Verse 1]

Hurting myself by always doing what's compelled

Losing myself, always switching, I know I'm not well

Contemplating bidding the world farewell

Thinking maybe I'd be more at home in hell

Thinking maybe it comes from exposure to the net?

Remembering things I saw, man I wish I'd forget

Play my memories back almost like a cassette

Loss gets the better of me, overflowed with regret

Confrontations with my mother but know it's all love

Just unable to control what I have become

Just another of what I used to view as scum

Nowadays it seems like illness comes 2 for 1

It all happened when I broke, last night of 2 and 1 (2021)

Far from what I would imagine, back when I was 2 or 1

Pop an ibuprofen, more and more for when pains provokin

Switching tones from school to home, I know I should be well-spoken

I know I should be more open

Why try when I'm broken

Living my days, always afraid, lacking all mental aid

Don't get asked if l'm okay

Thoughts keep me awake

In the end , I’ll always disobey

[Verse 2]

My parents

Always struggle at being transparent

Feel as if what I feel is inherent

They know something's wrong, it's been apparent

The lenses they use should have more focus

I wish that they would zoom in, so they’d notice

What I need is diagnosis

I finally feel good but then I go right back to hopeless

Soulmates will just leave me soulless

Looking at bracelets from one that I loved

I got to face it, she doesn't want me, she had already shoved

Me, out of her life, despite all that I gave her, it filled me with spits we never strayed from a fight

We should stray from it, it's never been right

If we don't change, then the future won’t bright

Hard to believe that we'll all be alright

Maybe then i’ll finally have some clear sight

Suicide at times seems like the only retort

For those with thoughts or loss

For innocents that lost in court

Better watch out or you'll end up in the report

Only then, people will finally show support

Been 15 years, already done with the tears, the highs of life could just one day disappear

Imagine if my family knew I was queer

That day would be one of my fears

Hide myself behind the skirts, for God's sake

Scared to show my face, how d I get to this state

The bottom of class, with thoughts in outer space

They fall back down and then shatter like glass

Who knew it would be me, the one who wouldn't surpass

The one and only true and proper outcast

I could die but then the thoughts would still outlast

Life just moves to fast, like the universe I will collapse

[Verse 3]

Just needing some attention

In need of some affection

Not nice keeping my emotions stuck in detention

Bottling it up causes tension so I just

Lay away from the world in constant suspension

What's happening is beyond comprehension

Feels like I'm in the 4th dimension

No plan for the future, don't know if I'll get that far

Maybe then I should at least start saving for a car

If I make it, what will stay will be mental scars?

Always drifted apart, dreams up in the stars

Maybe been gifted, at least I have spirit, that abide

The spirit that stays within, always locked inside

No matter what, internal conflicts in me force it to hide

At least I know there's still pride

At least I know in the end of my life that I still tried

Lost in my arrogance, I seek God but no reply

Need a therapist, I'm just an experiment, put to the side

Mind is a terrorist, wanting to parish, I’ll never decide

At the end of the day left with the one question of "why?"

Asking God such things will leave me with no reply

[Outro]

Living off the high

When confronted just deny

If I ever die

Just please don’t cry

It was my choice to decide

Hope you see through my eyes

Before I say goodbye

Just know we’ll be alright