Bananas Don’t Float - Intellectual

"You said the orangutan floated to you in a bundle of bananas, but bananas don't float"

An open letter to the guy at the end of Life of Pi

Who said he didn't buy the story 'cause bananas don't float

What's your problem, what are you doing, is this fun for you?

Do you ruin every story where a monkey rides a fruit?

Is it hard to listen when you already know everything

Or is finding one plot hole super interesting?

Hey, did you study fruit buoyancy in acting school?

Or have you caught lots of title characters lying to you?

If I was Pi, I simply woulda asked you to leave

In fact, I'll clear this set now of anyone who can't believe

That an orangutan adrift at sea with half a will to live

Could outsmart a guy with two lines in a Hollywood film

Hey, maybe it depends on the ripeness of the bananas

Or the saltiness of the water

How heavy is an orangutan?

But it wasn't up to me so you weren't edited out

And I guess your character's not supposed to give benefits of the doubt

But here's this super neat story with all this cool stuff in it

And you just shut down your imagination in the first 10 minutes?

Hey, did you bring a clipboard so you could write down all your comments?

Does it just say bananas and there's nothing else on it?

I pose a serious question to the men and women of Earth

Is this world a better place if we listen to fruit density experts?

I didn't think so, so shut up & listen to Pi

Maybe you'll learn something they don't teach at Naysayer High

"Ba-ba-ba-bananas don't float

Ba-ba-ba-bananas don't float

Y-y-y-you said the orangutan floated to you in a bundle of bananas, but bananas don't float

Y-y-y-you said the orangutan floated to you in a bundle of bananas, but bananas don't float"

Hey, what if there was something that floats under the bananas?

Or what if there were buoys on the net that held the bananas?

Or what if the monkey was just holding lots of bananas

And swimming really good despite the weight of the bananas?

What if the air from the sinking ship fired out bananas

And launched a big rocket to the sky made of bananas

And it turns out there's a monkey hiding in the bananas

And he gets to the lifeboat before the actual sinking of the ba-

My research tells me you're in a Joe's Crab Shack commercial

Did you discredit that as well or was it pretty incontrovertible?

I see you've since played a lawyer on an episode of 30 Rock

So maybe the insurance agent role was just to pay your student loans off?

But I think you need to head back to school for your next part

And study how nobody cares how smart you think you are

You see, anything can float if you accept the bigger truths

Which are so big that they don't even actually need to be true

So I'll put my money on Pi and you can sink with your food

Good luck finding lots of parts with your rotten attitude

("Ba-ba-ba-bananas don't float")

I've had it with that guy from the Life of Pi

("Ba-ba-ba-bananas don't float")

I'm tired of these bit player skeptics ruining all my movies

("Ba-ba-ba-bananas don't float")

I've had it with that guy from the Life of Pi

("Ba-ba-ba-bananas don't float")

Howell Dawdy, signing off