[Intro]

Haha

My missus, bro, took my beers. That's why I'm here

"Uh, yeah, hi, everybody, welcome to the Wednesday meeting, yep, yep

Um, everybody give it up for Eli, first of all

Who's been off the meth for a whole month now

And his wife's getting out of jail next Thursday, is that right?

Anyway, we've got a new speaker today, so big round of applause for this young man here."

Is this thing on?

It's been about a week now

And I'm startin' to get weak now

I wake up at 11:30

That's when I start getting thirsty

And I don't know what it is

All I know, there's a bottle in the fridge

With my name on it if I want it

[Chorus]

'Cause I'm an alcoholic and I know

[Verse 1]

Yeah, hi, my name is Tom, I'm a addict

Can't really remember just how long I been at it

I'm guessing that this happened

Like a pattern that I follow 'cause my father's a fiend

And so was mum, so it's, um, like, part of my genes

But it's hard to get clean, but as hard as it's been

At the end of it, I really can only answer to me

And it's the way it is, I truly learned that

So don't give me all that "channeling the universe" crap

That's a load of shit and I ain't tryna pass the blame

Like it's just a part of fate and I ain't got a part to play

'Cause if that's the case, then I really can't escape

Might as well just start the day with a glass of chardonnay

Like my dad does, thinkin' that time can never catch us

Followin' my nose kinda like my bro Haz does

But I'm scared I'll end up in a home like Daz was

That dude went mad once, but nah, fuck that, bruv

I'm lookin' for a little more, but shit is raw

'Cause it's just a little short walk to the liquor store

A little more to Middlemore, my mind keeps sayin'

This is what I'm livin' for, but my liver isn't sure

It's 6 in the morn', they're about to close the club

But we know the owner, so we're there until they open up (Cheers)

And that's why I'm broke as fuck, bank account Golden Duck

Blowin' bucks on these drugs, goin' nuts, tryna sober up

[Verse 2]

I woke up Friday mornin' lying on the floor in a one-man cell

He said I punched that CUNTstable

How many lies can one man tell?

And now I'm on probation

They got me at rehabilitation

Asking for some explanation

I said, "I just like gettin' wasted"

So don't ask why I'm stoned

Hey, look lady, I don't know

Sign my forms so I can go

'Cause I got court at 9 tomorrow

And if the judge is a bitch

I could either jump off a bridge

Or go get on it

[Chorus]

'Cause I'm an alcoholic and I know

[Interlude]

What time is it?

I fuckin' know

[Verse 3]

I fuckin' hate this place, fuckin' hate this place

More than fuckin' Ace of Base, fuck what this lady says

I bet she's smoked more smack than I've ever drunk beer

And then she asks me if I been high this week; "Fuck yeah!"

I've been high like a pilot, why try to deny it

Won't lie, I've been wired, poppin' E like vitamin C

You wanna read my mind like a psychic?

You really wanna know why I get high? "'Cause I like it"

Does it really take a fuckin' Einstein to figure that out?

How much more shit can you spit out your fat mouth?

Who woulda known you'd get addicted to crack, wow

What a fuckin' breakthrough, everybody clap now

Just give it up for Jack for giving up the crack (Good on you)

It's been a whole week since he had a huff and snap

And rolled his dead ex-wife up in some bubble wrap

Filled a duffel bag up with all her husband's stuff and gapped

Yeah, it's been a month and ain't got nothin' back

Just a lecture from some alchie in a trucker cap

Tryna tell me how to me live my life, bro, cut the crap

Sobriety? What the fuck is that?

Can't even spell it, bro, I fuckin' hate this place

Like the fuckin' Ellen show, straight up

I fuckin' hate this place like fuckin' Babyface

And Eric Clapton

Nah, fuck this shit, I ain't even finished this shit

I'm gonna go home and get stoned

With some hippie bitch with fucking ankle bracelets

Paint ya toenails, bitch!