It was brisk December day in Northern California

I was doing my part to boost the economy

Trying to get my last minute shopping done

But the last paid period wasn't promising

My holiquest has gone to shit

I got a simple mission but I can't accomplish it

My Pops had it easy

Kids these days all want that expensive ass electronic shit

Just because they want me to buy them a damn iPad

Doesn't mean I'll do it

Little ungrateful motherfuckers will be lucky if they don't get a rock with a string tied to it

And all these punk as carolers trying to spread all the cheer

I can see right through it

Y'all don't want to see me cancel out Santa's handiwork

Especially after seeing that green guy do it

My bad

I'm a little turnt off of all this eggnog

Got the jolly old spirit in me, grandmama

I'm down I'd die for the yultide

Matter of fact, motherfucking Starbucks and the cups

Y'all want a war y'all got it

Wait

Aaron umm aren't you Jewish?

Shouldn't you be wearing that funny little hat and going hrah with your words?

No I'm only half, you bitch

Oh, well whatever you believe in happy holidays I wish nothing but the best for you

Oh I see what you did there, nice

By the way, how politically correct of you

I could barely hear the bigotry in all that

It's good to see that some people can respect my views

Now if you'll excuse me Ima take my dreidel and bounce while I'm still feeling kind of destitute

Fair warning

I'm a cold, piece of work, frosty

Do not make me, have to beat you little motherfucker like I'm beating Crosby (Jew reference)

Somebody must have poured a shit load of brandy, up in that hot tottie inch

One hoe, two hoe, three hoe

I'm about to slay some shit

Now who got shottie, (BANG)

Finna make it rain, dear time for you to get in that

I'm trying to make some beard pose

Yes I'm rude hop in it

In a drunken stupor showing off my alcoholic red nose

So bright you would even see it makes my whole head glow

When I'm dead frozen I tread slow

You should let'em know

Ain't nobody touching you when that bob sled race

Little mama ready set go

Okay, random thought, what are we aiding and abetting Saint Nic

When he's breaking and entering, all up in our fridge

Eating all our cookies but depending on behavior our kids may never get a thing

Kind of warped if ask me

In a way this sounds like one hell of a despot

An old man with a power complex and a colony of elves working in a sweat shop

I'm jamming all the holiday classics, cooking up jingle bell rock in the R1

Home alone at the trap house like Kevin Mcallister

Y'all don't really want none, get it

If you think you can match wits and outsmart me

By all means then come on son

I throw a brick in your face

Make you fall for it twice till you realize

That you fucked with the wrong one

[Twice]

This is a fictitious, this is something for you bitter little bitches

Listen up your sip this Christmas, please don't get too big for your britches

Please don't throw a fit and go ballistic if you didn't get what you wrote on your wish list

Have a happy Hanukkah, a happy Kwanza

And yes have a merry little Christmas