[Intro: Alex Smith]
Hey, ya'll, straight talk, okay?
There's some flat out things I gotta say
Roundies, hear me out
Stop bending theories
It's time to straighten things out
[Verse 1: Alex Smith]
Edging in my bedroom got me thinkin' bout the edge
Not the guy from U2, the fucking earth ledge
Gotta prove you roundies wrong, so I strolled outside
Flat cap, flat battery, let's theorize
[Pre-Chorus 1: Alex Smith]
I took a really long stick and put it on the ground
That bitch stayed flat 'cause the Earth's not round!
The Earth is flat, and I'll prove it in this song
Just like my Mountain Dew that's been out too long
[Chorus: Alex Smith, Ross Hornby, Chris Trott]
My credit card flat!
My ruler, flat!
This paper flat!
Where I live, flat!
The tires on my bike flat!
The soda in my hand, flat!
My singing pitch flat!
This whole world flat!
[Verse 2: Alex Smith]
Open your damn eyes, you round earth clowns
Take a quick look now the sky is up, not down
If the Earth is round, we're sitting on the top
Then stuff at the bottom probably fell off
[Pre-Chorus 2: Alex Smith]
Dragons fly at the end of the Earth
Been soaring through the sky since our flat world's birth!
You're not believing us and calling us shmucks?
I'll show you what's round; take a look at deez nuts!
[Chorus: Alex Smith, Ross Hornby, Chris Trott]
My credit card flat!
My ruler, flat!
This paper flat!
Where I live, flat!
The tires on my bike flat!
The soda in my hand, flat!
My singing pitch flat!
This whole world flat!
[Verse 3: Alex Smith]
Clearly, the moons flat; there's no dark side
Nobody went there; NASA fucking lied
Hey roundies, how's that hot core doing?
You're filling kids' head with the shit you're spewin'
[Pre-Chorus 3: Alex Smith]
So I took a big boat
To the edge of the world
And before my little eyes, the truth unfurled
There were dragons and beasts and awful things like that
I sailed right home 'cause the world's so flat, yeah
[Chorus: Alex Smith, Ross Hornby, Chris Trott]
My credit card flat!
My ruler, flat!
This paper flat!
Where I live, flat!
The tires on my bike flat!
The soda in my hand, flat!
My singing pitch flat!
This whole world flat!
[Verse 4: Chris Trott]
Uh, excuse me, Sir, I believe your facts aren't sound
The circumference of the Earth is 40 megameters round
If the world is flat, which projection is factual?
Mercator, Gall-Peters, or maybe sinusoidal?
A globe is always right; the flat must be distorted
Which clearly means your theory is thwarted!
So the Earth, our home, is an oblate spheroid
I'm dropping the truth; your theory is destroyed!
You think the Earth's flat, just like your sister's chest
Well, that makes sense - you haven't seen real breasts!
Earth is the only planet not named after a Deity
It's a place of science and the home of your virginity!