[Intro]

You alright mate? (You alright mate?)

Yeah (You alright mate?)

You alright mate? (Yeah, you alright mate?)

I'm alright, you alright mate? (I'm alright)

[Verse 1]

Morning mate, how's tricks?

You alright mate? Everything alright? Yeah, nice

Listen, I've had a think and I've got an offer for you

How about this, you just get on your knees a second, yeah, that's it

Right, now open your mouth

Don't worry mate it's not like that, right, nice one

So what it is, I've got about 6 to 7 litres of warm shit that I'm gonna pour straight in

Just hold still though mate, keep an eye on him 'cos he's a bit runny, a bit of a wet-un

Yeah, I'm afraid it's as good as I can do mate my hands are tied

But, should only cost you about a third of your income, mate

Just a third of your income

[Verse 2]

Trouble is we got so used to the smell of shit we think it smells like Fox's Glacier Mints

And I know you think he's alright, I know he's your dad but he's topping it up

He's on top, reckons he earned it

I work 40 hours a week, I eat your shite for a living mate, when's my second home coming?

I tell you when it's coming, it isn't

I'm not getting a slice of the pie, I don't get one

You bought shares in the good life but then you told yourself you deserve it, but you don't

No graft, no graft, you pulled that ladder right up

When that second home does come through mate I'll tell you via bank transfer mate, standing order

You'll hear all about it mate don't you worry

You fucking receding hair, red-faced, tuck your shirt in, bootleg jean dullard cunt, get out

I hope you get it, you're boring, you lost it, you traitor

Don't look at me 'cos your face makes me feel weird

And I'll tell you what, your dog's fuck ugly and all, it stinks

It stinks

[Verse 3]

Dear Mr Bastard

I went to the biscuit tin, but there was no biscuits in it

'Cos you took them all, you ate them all, and then you shat them all out

And so now I've got to eat that shit, and I don't want to

'Cos it's shit so it tastes like shit, and your dog fucking stinks

[Chorus]

I make the money

You, you take the money

I, I make the money

You, you take the money

[Verse 4]

So give us a shout when you do get gout

'Cos I've been needing something to smile about

And I reckon your fat swollen foot will have me smiling for about a week, mate

Just what the doctor ordered, standing order

10 quid for a glass of water

Just leave me alone, I can't be bothered with it

[Verse 5]

Maybe it isn't your dog that stinks, it's your breath

What have you been eating mate? Compost?

Get lost, get a clue, who even are you?

Just a bloke called Rob, you knob

I'd wish you'd put that gob around the exhaust pipe of the Range Rover that I paid for

You're rotten, but not in a good way

Not like the mulch it smells like you've been chewing, you fucking loser

[Chorus]

I, I make the money

And you, you take the money

I, I make the money

And you, you take the money

[Verse 6]

You're wrong, you're long, but you're not like the Eurotunnel

More like a bad day at work, you berk

I can't bear the sight of you, I can't hack the thought of you

Lying in your bed eating cream horns that you paid for with coins I put in your pocket

Didn't have to dig too deep did you? You creep

You're coin operated, I waited, overcompensated

I'm gonna chuck some dirt in your eye

[Verse 7]

Oh here we go, here come the waterworks

Standing at my front door telling me you've got bills to pay

Telling me all about the chronicles of fucking hernia

All your weird kids lined up behind like you've been shoplifting down the haunted crèche

Alright children, your dad's a dirty robbing bastard and I'm glad his stomach lining burst

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe?

More like the twat, the twat, and the twat

I'm looking at the tallest one, sucking on a Capri Sun

I'm thinking about him getting slide tackled in P.E, two footer

And I can't help but laugh mate, I can't help it

And maybe I'll take that foil carton and fill it with my own juice

Put it in his lunchbox so everyone at school calls him PBD, that's Piss Breath Dan

I'm the man, I'm a fucking ledge

My shit sparkles like Meghan Markle

Edward Cullen, not like you, you dullard

I'm absolutely fucking sick of it

I'm done, I'm telling mum

I'm done, I'm done, I'll see you later (I make the money)

I'll see you later (You take the money)