Once upon a time, I married a woman mean as sin

Beauty like the swamp and fragrance of the bin

She's got them pipes that pound on the brain

She did my head in like the poundin' rain

But I gotta tell you about them collard greens

Well, talk about them collard greens

Talk about them collard greens

And I never tasted anything as good as them collard greens

Well, talk about them collard greens

Talk about them collard greens

Well the best thing about her were them doggone collard greens

She couldn't talk about heaven without raising hell

She couldn't carry home the water without falling down the well

She took out the dog and let in a stray cat

She smashed up the windows with a baseball bat

Folks I gotta tell you about them collard greens

Well, talk about them collard greens

Talk about them collard greens

And I never tasted anything as good as them collard greens

Talk about them collard greens

Talk about them collard greens

Well the best thing about her were them doggone collard greens

When she mowed the lawn, she fed the clippings to the fish

She chopped up the fish on my favorite dish

Used the whole thing of salt, nearly made me sick

I don't know what the hell was wrong with that woman

She spent the light bill on a brand new dress

Tore up the house trying to find it and made a mess

Well right about now I can tell you friends are just wondering how this story ends

First let me tell you about them collard greens

Well, talk about them collard greens

Talk about them collard greens

And I never tasted anything as good as them collard greens

Talk about them collard greens

Talk about them collard greens

Well the best thing about her were them doggone collard greens

[Instrumental Break]

Out of the kindness of my heart I took her out to town

The she locked me in the bathroom and she fled without a sound

Got taken away by another man

Then she moved away to a far away land

And along with her, she took them collard greens

Well, she took them collard greens

Yes she took them collard greens

Daggone woman, well she took them collard greens

Yes, she took them collard greens

Yes, she took them collard greens

Well, I don't think I'll taste anything in this daggone world as good as those collard greens

I'll have to stalk her down and break into her house and get the recipe to them daggone collard greens