[Verse 1: Patience & Bender]

Sharon got knocked up, tried to hide it from her parents

Put off the procedure but could see she was embarrassed

Pleaded "Doctor help me! At eight months it isn't worth it"

But baby Molly's healthy, Sharon died there in the stirrups

Now Oxford was a slick talker, slippery as a eel

Watches in his trench coat, he'd give your ass a deal

Liked to play with shiny things, stole some shiny wheels

Then the owner pulled a shiny thing and spilled his final meal

Blaine was quite vain for his age, very matter-fact

Even had a job sweeping shop for the haberdash

Wanted the perfect tan on his boat by the river

When they pulled him out the water they said "This is one crispy critter"

June and Jim went camping, got lost in the forest

Heard a howl in the wind and wandered off with no torches

Climbed into a cave when they were drawn in by the warmth

And now the wolf is sleeping fatter than a hog, here's the chorus

[Chorus: Bender & Patience]

I've had to bury some imaginary friends

When all is said and done it doesn't matter, they're pretend

So I'm spilling out my snifter every January 10th

Just to let 'em know that I was right there at the very end

[Verse 2: Bender & Patience]

Edmund had a pen pal, Delilah Rochet

Sent her a proposal with a lilac bouquet

By the time it got there she was lying in a cold grave

And he waited for her answer till he died of old age

Randall was a handful, always walked to school with wet hair

Mom said "You'll catch a death of cold before you get there"

But he was smiling at his desk when the teacher called his name

Matthew played with matches and that school went up in flames

Klaus went spelunking down into a live volcano

Sam got salmonella from some old expired mayo

My man Magnus accidentally drank a half pint of Drano

Betsy flew a kite into a F5 tornado

Peter went missing on a cold Christmas Eve

Discovered next winter when they had the chimney cleaned

Claire took the dare to trick-or-treat at the Connor house

Now her bones are in the garden and the story lives on, I'm out

[Chorus: Bender & Patience]

I've had to bury some imaginary friends

When all is said and done it doesn't matter, they're pretend

So I'm spilling out my snifter every January 10th

Just to let 'em know that I was right there at the very end

[Outro: *samples*]

"'Vincent, who is this guy anyhow? Oh wait a second, get away from me, you hulking creep! Vincent, can you stop him please?'

'Froggy you have to admit, you do look tasty'"

'Tune in next week when our topic of discussion will be- oaaahw!'

'I'm a bit of a devil but I do love frogs' legs'"

"'Jody says everything's gonna get better'

'What does Jody look like?'

'She's nice.....she tells me things too'

'Oh yeah? Like what does she tell you?'

'She tells me about the little boy who used to live in my room.....He got hurt and died'"