[Verse 1: Capo Lee]

Yeah, I'mma do the houseman ting today

Now man's curl up in a duvet

I've got food in the freezer, hooray

White rum on the side, who? Wray (and his nephew)

Summer Fruits on deck, let me get myself a plastic cup

Too sweet

Odd socks on my two feet

Walking round in an old tracksuit that don't suit me

[Pre-Hook: Merky ACE]

Four custard creams in kitchen roll

Gas mark 9 when it's oven time

Fifteen minutes and that is cooked

Play PS while man ah man wait

More time steeze cut off foot pant

Tracksuit bottom with the leg cut off

Ain't going nowhere, legs in stride

Ketchup, beans and all of that stuff

[Hook: Merky ACE]

Houseman

If it ain't Ps, don't shout man (I'm based off)

Houseman

If it ain't Ps, don't shout man (I'm inside)

[Verse 2: Nico Lindsay]

Nico the houseman, ice in my cup

Bun a cup, put that in a jug

Salad cream on deck and I'm good

Hot sauce on the side and I'm in-

Side with the Mac on

YouTube open, I've got 'nuff tabs on

Hang on, let me pick up this phone real quick

Gotta go piss so I tell 'em hang on

Chicken fillets, beans on toast

If I'm low, replace with oats

Cold inside, inside, we're cold

Feeling anti, Nico's ghost

[Pre-Hook: Merky ACE]

Four custard creams in kitchen roll

Gas mark 9 when it's oven time

Fifteen minutes and that is cooked

Play PS while man ah man wait

More time steeze cut off foot pant

Tracksuit bottom with the leg cut off

Ain't going nowhere, legs in stride

Ketchup, beans and all of that stuff

[Hook: Merky ACE]

Houseman

If it ain't Ps, don't shout man (I'm based off)

Houseman

If it ain't Ps, don't shout man (I'm inside)

[Verse 3: Merky ACE]

Two boiled eggs and don't mean seasoned beans

Salt, pepper, onions

Sarsparella, Vimto

Brain freeze, too cold

Birds, custard, whip that

Cinnamon, nutmeg's in that, vanilla essence

Righteous food smell in the presence

Holey sock show toe

Who ate all the prawn and cocktail doe?

Houseman politics with likkle bro

[Pre-Hook: Merky ACE]

Four custard creams in kitchen roll

Gas mark 9 when it's oven time

Fifteen minutes and that is cooked

Play PS while man ah man wait

More time steeze cut off foot pant

Tracksuit bottom with the leg cut off

Ain't going nowhere, legs in stride

Ketchup, beans and all of that stuff

[Hook: Merky ACE]

Houseman

If it ain't Ps, don't shout man (I'm based off)

Houseman

If it ain't Ps, don't shout man (I'm inside)

[Outro: Merky ACE]

Wake up looking like baby mum (it's mad)

Yeah, durag

Thick slice, foreign bread (hard)

Fish finger, slap four in bread (hella ketchup)