[Verse 1]

All rise and come to order

Bailiff start the video recorder

You've been sworn, what's your complaint?

Speak up son, don't hesitate

Presided in his courtroom so long ago

He was hanging cowboys for stealing buffalo

Court is adjourned for his honor's feeling ill

The shaking old relic needs a glycerin pill

[Pre-Chorus]

Hang up your robe 'cause you're looking tired

If it was up to me you'd all be fired

Day after day convicting all those liars

This ain't TV jail, it's TV Hell

[Chorus 1]

Believe it or not

Those walking blood clots make enough money for a thousand foot yacht

Who in Hollywood did they ever acquit?

Just senile, judicial idiots

As the drama unfolds and the law he upholds

If you look real close you could see him growing mold

Small claims messiah is only a pariah to be ridiculed

Objection overruled

[Verse 2]

All rise as he takes the bench

To hear his old voice makes my gut wrench

Silence to those who are in his court

I'm found guilty by his report

No washed up judge can say to me

The shit he throws around when he's on TV

What can they fucking do, throw me in jail?

I'd slap out his dentures, post them for bail

[Pre-Chorus]

Hang up your robe 'cause you're looking tired

If it was up to me you'd all be fired

Day after day convicting all those liars

This ain't TV jail, it's TV hell

[Chorus 2]

You lose the case to a bigger bullshitter than you today

When it comes to the end, you tell all of TV land what you've got to say

When he's dead and gone will they get another fossil to carry on?

They must go to school, handpick these old fools

I say to you, objection overruled

[Bridge]

It's all Perry Mason's fault

[Guitar Solo]

[Outro]

"[?] call the hospital oh shit!"

"[?] while I played rhythm through the whole thing, non stop."

"Yeah you did."