Why do I feel so empty?

Bored, unfulfilled, like something is missing

Like I want something more

Like theres this giant, bottomless, infinite

Hole inside me

So I try to fill it with all kinds of junk to make it go away

But these don't work, they give me a quick high

But it doesn’t last, leaving me frustrated, addicted, and wanting more

So I think, maybe its me - maybe i'm the problem

I need to be bigger, better, smarter, funnier, better looking

So I build myself up on the outside

Into some person that I don’t even know, that I don’t even like

And on the inside, I beat myself down, sometimes severely

And I feel more empty

Then I think: Maybe If I get my shit together

And have the perfect job, with the perfect life, and the perfect money

And all the perfect shiny things I've ever wanted

That will fill the hole

So I work, and I work, and I work, and I work

But these things never work out the way we want

And now I got a deal with dead dreams

And feeling like a failure

And even if they do work out, And I make it to the top

And get all the things I always thought would make me happy

When I get there I look around and I say, "Now what?"

Something's still missing

Time passes, the emptiness has been sitting

Festering, fermenting, farting, becoming toxic

And it changes me, making me, bitter, critical

And self-centered

And I blame everyone and everything around me for not fulfilling me

And I go from job to job, relationship to

Relationship, place to place

Leaving a real path of cheeriness along the way

Ultimately, Im tired, I'm done searching

I just don’t care

And I give up trying to solve the mystery of the hole

And just deal with it

I'm perfectly fine going back to stringing together enough

Distractions and stimulations to get me through

Keeping me MODERATELY SATISFIED until the day I die

Of course, on the outside

No one would ever know

Everything appears to be going exactly how I wanted it to go

Exactly how I planned it to go

A big success, the perfect facade

But on the inside, I'm all alone, and I groan