[Round 1: James Corden]

Tonight, the main event has me up against a legend

And I admit Halle Berry is well-known in her profession

But let's not pretend that Catwoman didn't suck

Halle, that was a Batman movie, how'd you mess that up?

I love your movie Swordfish, well, just one scene

It's considered a classic amongst prepubescent teens

Listen, you're so pretty, I wish you'd brought a disguise

You're so bad at— ahh, I just got lost in your eyes

[Halle Berry]

That's all you got? I mean, for real?

[James Corden]

I'm used to doing this with, like, David Schwimmer, not Halle Berry!

[Halle Berry]

This gon' be easier than I thought. Gimme a beat

[Round 1: Halle Berry]

I'm glad Swordfish was to your satisfaction

It's probably the only time your dick has seen some action

Yes, everybody knows Catwoman tanked

But I took Kingsman to the motherfucking bank!

I gotta ask you one thing before I make you lose

Are your eyes tiny small, or your head crazy huge?

James has a Tony, that's cool and all

But I have an Oscar, so suck my "Monster Balls"

[Round 2: James Corden]

Halle is a classic, this whole thing's tragic

You're just Viola Davis, but not as charismatic

Sure, you won an Oscar, but I question the voters

I use my Gothika DVD as a drink coaster

Yes, you won Best Actress, but that was past tense

Unless it was for pretending Cloud Atlas makes sense

2008, you were Sexiest Woman Alive

Was that a moment when Beyoncé briefly died?

[Round 2: Halle Berry]

Fat jokes are too easy, I'll try to be nicer

But who held your pizza when you kissed Sean Spicer?

You apologized, so I know you learned your lesson

Too bad you couldn't give a handjob to Jeff Sessions

And you produce this show, isn't that fun?

You've been in ten battles and lost every one

Poor James, late night's forgotten son

Jimmy Kimmel saved Obamacare; what the fuck have you done, son?

[Round 3: James Corden]

Yeah, I kissed Sean Spicer, that's easy to fix

I thought when you kiss a frog, he turns into a prince

In Bulworth, you got political, or you tried to

And now we have Donald Trump, so I guess we blame you

When it comes to getting married, three divorces is enough

Forget signing autographs, sign a prenup!

You've done so many X-Men movies, maybe a dozen

I heard "X-Men" and I thought it was about your husbands

[Round 3: Halle Berry & audience]

Yeah, you got me, I am a divorcée

But what did Jay-Z say? Oh, hell no, not today

Carpool Karaoke is great as a gimmick

We watch for real stars, we don't care that you're in it

Now, why are you so angry and pushy?

Of course you hated Catwoman, you never get pussy

I've won so much, you couldn't keep tally

This battle's like the Oscars, y'all: the winner is... Halle!