[Verse 1: Dirty Dike]

I owe my mate's mum a bit of gardening

Chill with her son and yo I still beg your pardoning

Lazy little shitbag

Naked in a wigwam

I paid to get a ticket, still break in with a wristband

Maybe you're a big man

Perhaps you've done a bit of bird

Maybe you're the type of man to slap about a bit of skirt

Either that or some kind of dickhead with the fitted words

To wriggle out the thinnest situation when it thickens first

I know that you're the biggest of pricks

Cos you're listening to this

With your missus and kids

Getting sticky as a Rizla hitting whiskey and spliffs

Head spinning like a Frisbee in a twister the bits

So listen to this

Shove a pair of scissors in your gob

Pull your pants down and fucking scare the missus with your nob

Get delicious with the cod

I'm never fishing with a rod

I'll be getting in the kipper like I'm pickling the lot

[Verse 2: Lunar C]

Yo

Smoking a spliff with a pregnant bitch at a bus-stop

Whether I pass it on all depends on if I get sucked off

'Bout to spend the child benefits at the pub hop

Back on the bus to hers and tell her kids they can FUCK OFF!

Raid their lunchbox just to jack a jam sandwich

Vag magnet

I'm leavin' your gatty slab slanted

Dab hand with a slapper's fanny, I'm fantastic

Stash my package in a fat lass' back passage

Make these rappers feel inferior when Lunar's here

There ain't no-one to compare me to

It's too unfair

Chewing there, gurning

A dreadlock in my pubic hair

Holding up a cardboard sign saying "it's rude to stare"

Stoned and lazy, never on top form

They kicked me out of school and told me I'm a lost cause

So many wrong thoughts in my brain it's gone warped

I watch porn with a limp dick eating popcorn

[Verse 3: Dr Syntax]

If rappers are like MS-DOS

I'm the next Xbox

Quicker, more game...

Sinners, pure flames

Disagree I bet you're more ignorant than redneck cops

And that's word to Big Bird and Thora Hird

Me killing it as standard as verse chorus verse chorus verse

Awesome work

Unless you're a boring nerd

And all you heard was distorted dirt

In which case

Do us all a big favour

Push a switchblade

In your rib cage

With haste

Fuck your mixtape

You a bitch, mate

Go eat some fingers fishcakes with your shit mates

It's a testosterone fuelled romp

Your boo wants some hot goo like she's got the fondue on

Ooh. Wrong

Too. Strong

New. Song

Huge. Thong

[Verse 4: Pete Cannon]

I bring the bangers, its ya boy known as Pete Cannon

One look at me girls get the wet salmon

You rap multisyllable bars with bare boys

I do a show, fuck a sket and nick her sex toys

Like I wanna hear thoughts in my rap music

Fuck you with your dick, this is rap music

It's easily to the bant, this is rap music

Balls out when I rap, this is rap music

I was digging before you had pubes donny

You sample MP3s you fucking goon dummies

Know I'm as hip-hop as hard as it comes

Keep a spare one in my house, just to grate to my drums

I keep it one way only. Fresh haircut

Trimmed up beard and some Mach3 nuts

Master of all trades, yeah you're damn right sluts

I do the beats, do the bars, do the mix and do the cuts

WHAT!?