Ugh, I can't get up right now, man

I don't feel good

Who the hell decided

That morning needed to come so early?

(chorus 1)

That party last night was awfully crazy

I got so wasted

Now I'm hung over and threw up so much

I can still taste it

I drink some coffee, pop some speed

But four days sleep is what I need

Passed out at five, got class at eight

Smash my alarm, I can not see straight

Man I hate Mondays

(verse 1)

I only got college for another three weeks

Trying to pass, I cheat off the geeks

For that to work I have to get to class

Which means, I really have to move my ass

So fill up my cup, coffee straight up

I drive in a daze like huh, who, what?

I make it to class but don't feel great

A one hour class, I'm fifty minutes late

Got a pop quiz, don't know what the topic is

Gonna have to take it, guess I'll just fake it

See the worried faces, all over the places

Pray to three gods just to cover all the bases

(chorus 2)

That party rocked, for three days straight

We celebrated

Hell must've froze, I can't believe

I graduated

My term paper wasn't great

GPA was 1.8

Got my degree, so I bid adieu

But now I'm late for an interview

(bridge 1)

Man I hate Mondays (HEY!)

I hate mornings (HEY!)

I hate showers (HEY!)

Man I hate Mondays

(verse 2)

I can't tell you what I learned in school

But, it didn't prepare me to become a tool

Um, there are things I never thought I'd do

Like pay close attention to detail

And I can't check personal email

And logic is never gonna prevail

Only two people here are female

And I think one might be a she-male

And my paycheck, nowhere near what I thought

Now I can't afford the TV I just bought

Out of tequila, beer, wine, and rum too

Watching The Bachelor, is this what it's come to?

(chorus 3)

That office party was awfully lame

I wish I skipped it

Brown-nose the boss, so insincere

It sounded scripted

I cut my hair and shave my beard

And now it's me who thinks I look weird

Go home at eight, in bed by ten

Just watch the news, then do it again

(bridge 2)

Man I hate Mondays (HEY!)

I hate Tuesdays (HEY!)

I hate Wednesdays (HEY!)

Man I miss college

(interlude)

Now, I'm gonna give you a taste, of what I go through on Monday mornings. A typical day goes something like this

*beep!* *beep!* *beep!* *beep!*

*beep!* *beep!* *beep!* *beep!*

(radio voice: Traffic on the 405 is at a total stand-still this morning as all lanes are closed in both directions due to an accident involving two tractor trailers, seven cars, an ice cream truck, and the Oscar Meyer Wiener Mobile. Traffic is being rerouted onto surface streets but they're moving about as fast as an old lady in the express lane paying with a check.)

Coffee! Coffee!

Coffee! Coffee!

Sittin' in traffic! Sittin' in traffic!

Sittin' in traffic! Sittin' in traffic!

Dammit, I'm late again. I hope my boss doesn't see... hey! Good morning, sir! No, I've been here for 20 minutes. I just had to go get something out of my car. Yes, with my briefcase. I don't go anywhere without it. No, not even the bathroom

(chorus 4)

That office meeting we had left me

Permanently scarred

PowerPoint slides with cheesy graphics

And crappy clip art

Was ill-prepared and underdressed

And there weren't no donuts left

Proactive this, synergy that

Then something 'bout wearin' different hats

(outro)

But after a few days of that, it's the weekend

You know what that means

It means I get to cut the grass, clean out the gutters, and take the kids to soccer

Do I really have to make the bed? Why can't I just leave it like that?