I spend hours at a time signed online at a coffee shop

That's fine but I have to buy something or they make me stop

So every twenty minutes there's a drink with caffeine in it

And I'm so hyped up that I can type 300 words a minute

The problem is of course that I can't control my hands

So I'm typing random things that no one can understand

But when I read this paragraph I just need to laugh

Because I won NaNoWriMo in an hour and a half

Then while I tried to think of something witty to say

I went to Google one day and typed in the letter J

I was thrilled when it filled in all the rest for me

You see 'cause obviously they know what's best for me

I was excited to try out and see what this feature does

But I also wondered what this kind of sorcery was

I've seen software that could do amazing things in my time

But I've never seen a program that could read my mind

Chorus

Auto-complete! Auto-immune!

Auto-bot! Auto-tune!

Auto-mobile! Auto-mation!

Auto-erotic asphyxiation!

(spoken bit)

Things online used to be so hard to find

You had to type in all your searches one letter at a time

We had to find a better way because I didn't have all day

And where did they hide the letter Y key anyway?

Now I can't express to you how much things are better

I feel like it's Wheel Of Fortune, time to pick a letter!

I put in words at random or sometimes I even planned 'em

Either way today I'm starting up my newest nerdy fandom

I'm thinking we should have a convention once a year

To discuss the newest autocompletes that may appear

And we can stay up all night as the nerds have a fight

Over who was the better captain, Piccolo or Kite

And we'll sit in filk circles, and sing our favorite songs

With auto completed lyrics so they all come out wrong

And we'll take every chance to make up new nerdy rants

And I can cosplay as Frodo from the Lord of the Dance

(chorus)

(spoken bit)

They say your soul mate is the one who understands you

The one who takes control of your soul and freakin' brands you

I've searched all around, I finally found it and I flipped

Turns out the one who knows me best is a chunk of javascript

Sometimes it makes me nervous though, I have to say

'Cause Google knows more about me than the NSA

I love it though, I don't want to sound like I'm griping

'Cause really who has time to do all of that typing?

I don't have a chance to answer all of my fans

It's too much wear and tear on my finely manicured hands

So now I let it fill in when I type the letter K

And in fact that's exactly what I wanted to say

So thank you to whoever wrote the ESP routine

How did you know I was looking for that Golden Girls scene?

You've provided me with countless random internet fun

But now I gotta go because I don't have anything done

(chorus)

(spoken bit)