Swallowed Pause - Intellectual

This self-control was a problem since always

I had to follow these urges

I'm not commanding these movements

I inhale, but not to capture the oxygen

Only pushing the breath to compress my chest

I feel disgusting having to repeat these motions

That defeat me, begging to release me

From these inexplicable rituals

That degrade me to an animal state where...

Reasons I've forgotten, you'll remain unnamed

No purpose, I'm guided by voices

I will control this, half-broken spirit with no hope to cure it, I swallowed pause, and lost all senses

Time would freeze, but made no sense when time

Release, would lose its function

I look to God to end this sentence

But nothing happened

I swallowed pause

Knock, knock, knock on wood

At a steady speed until my knuckles bleed

I can't stop - I guess the joke's on me

Because I'm on repeat and I'm a viewer's treat

Yes, it looks so damn nice in the movies

Some temperamental illness always needed as a

Necessary factor enabling real greatness

It's fucking bullshit, there's nothing great about it

There's no productive moments

It's just a life turned stagnant

There's not a single manic and melodramatic

Significance that can grow everything into

Something better than normal

No vibrant colours splattered on canvases

Glorified Hollywood biopics

We're [?]

We're just watching our heroes as they

Decay quite beautifully

I swallowed pause