[Intro]

Yo

Is this it?

Yo, Amanda Bynes what up!

[Verse 1]

I'm disgruntled

And if you call me "Fee-Fee," motherfuck you!

My name is on the EP: Dane Fyffe, check 1,2

My main shorty left me when my dollar bills crumbled

She said she's getting back with her uncle (but I love you!)

Trouble: Somehow, I always seem to fucking run to

Is that your wi-fi? (Bitch!), well I'mma take it from you

At a college party, some dude was selling mushrooms

Niggas got so trippy that they started learning kung-fu

Well I don't do drugs. Fuck it if that makes me uncool

I'm sick of living life inside this bubble; I wanna break free!

And show the whole world that I merk bars

But everyone's too busy watching nerds rap on WorldStar (Fuck that!)

Girls, cars, dollar bills, bitches, hoes

That should be enough to get some kind of deal with Interscope

I don't know; it beats working hard for a paycheck

To end up worse off than when you started (Am I dead yet?!)

Issues: I probably have two or three to many

The problem is that usually my bottle's half empty

What's your mom wearing? I don't mind sharing

Tell your dad I'll give her back after she slobs your aunt (Really?)

I'm gritty as fuck

When I'm not stuck in line behind the Hulk's stunt double

Sauced up, at a Starbucks

Did you just spill my coffee cup? It wasn't me, sir

Well who the fuck did?

I'm sorry! I'll buy you another one

So, I'm a pussy; sue me

I snuck into the movies and panicked

I'm too young to go to juvie! (Shhh)

You and me are probably nothing alike; I'm awkward

Kind of like a dress on a dyke

And I've been known to have a bit of bad luck on the mic

Cause I'm the type to make a song and just fuck it up like

[Interlude]

[DF:]Ohhhh shit!

[MG:] Ummm...

[DF:] What?..What the...What the fuck...What happened?!

[MG:] I don't...ummm...maybe power failure, maybe?

[DF:] Power Failure? What the f-? What're you...What am I paying you for? This is a session-

[MG:] You're paying me?

[DF:] Oh, right. This, this is a session! Yo, get it together!

[MG:] Wait, wait, got it. Pulled the cord out, sorry

[DF:] Pulled the cord out? That's what she said

Listen! This is...do you know who I am right now?!

I just did a verse! I'm Dane, this is Dane Fyffe right now, alright?

[MG:] Well you sound like Dane Cook...sorry

[DF:] Fuck. You

[Bridge]

This is a song about first world problems (My life)

And my first world problems (That's right)

I got first world problems

(This song is about nothing) Fuck it

[Verse 2]

My homeboy Bruce got hired at Whole Foods

Bitches love discounts, Italian rolls too

I said cool (yeah!), in like an hour I'll come through

We blasted Elton John in the aisle where they sell fruits

For the record: I'm not gay, just a sharp dresser

I'm at the pride parade eating finger food with Ellen

I'm kinda like the stepson of the Addams family

Plus I only fuck girls who look like Carol Channing

I could have mass appeal, have a deal, and a Grammy

But I'd rather rap about my foot fetish fantasies

Watch out, I'm getting sloppy head in coffee houses

Walking out with type 3 diabetes in my wiener schnauzer

Your coochie's a nightclub and it needs a bouncer

I'm usually type buzzed when I'm eatin' out, but

You got the attitude and body to match

So please excuse my manners while I palm on your rack

Oh, now you got a boyfriend? How awesome is that?

Well, you ugly anyway; reverse psychology tramp!

Yeah man, I got first world problems

I only fear the feds and broken condoms

Regardless, you know the kid's a motherfuckin' problem

(Can we get on with it?) Ahhh, fuck it

[Outro]

Paula Deen's got first world problems

Lance Armstrong, first world problems (laughs)

Who's got first world problems?

Yo, who's got (laughs)

Yo, it's crazy

I don't even know man

This is a song about first world problems

And my first world problems

I got first world problems

This song is about nothing. Fuck it

Really, though? Dane Cook?