[Verse]

Used to contemplate about what could've been

If he didn't drink, what could've been?

Then my uncle died, what could've been?

Could've been a father but my grandma lost her son

I don't have the spirit if I'm losing faith to Christ

If I had the spriit, could've been crucified

But I'm not a martyr, I don't speak about the time

I would slit my right thigh, friend of mind saw

Told a fucking lie, wonder if he had a second thought

What could've been if he fucking sought the truth

Eventually my mother walked in and caught me

I was havin' second thoughts

What could've been if I tried to stop

Defining myself by the pain, past trauma

Make a small change, it can make a big changе, comma

Butterfly effect, I got a problеm

I'm looking to renew a part of myself

I've been in the hole, confined to myself

Losing track of time, traumatized by the time

They taught me how to read the clock, count my finger, count the time

Cut my finger, grit my teeth, I gotta stop

Counting pain, past trauma, I can't change if I'm not

Looking to renew a part of myself

I'm looking to renew, I'm looking to renew

I knew I needed help when I told myself I don't

I don't need no nobody, I've been living on my own

Symptom of depression, self-protection of my own

Felt so alone that I told myself I don't

Felt ignored by people, so I'm holding onto those

That help me swim back to shore, gave me little bit of hope

So I dive back in, let me hold my nose

I'm not drowning this time but I've come way too close

Seen it firsthand, secondhand, what's yo' dose?

Twenty milligram, it's gon' keep me off the edge

Sometimes, you just gotta jump and really take a chance

You're running out of time, make a choice or regret

I'm not gon' repeat like my predecessor

I don't wanna be successor

I've seen ya wounds, infected yet treatable

Covered in scars, a symbol of renewal