Girl, I saw you had...

I saw you had a bunch of Lean Cuisine wrappers in the trashcan

Don't you know that's no good?

You deserve something finer

You need fresh fruits, vegetables, some candies

That's why I'm here for you, all you have to do is call

I'll come over and prepare something nutritious

That's what you need

Make you a trail mix with full size Kit Kats

Do it real quick, show me where the bowl is at

Add some peanuts and mix em with some raisins

Put some M&Ms in and top it with some Craisins

I'm the Expert Chef

I'm the Expert Chef

Scrub a tub of cream cheese on a wheat pita

Make a Frito pie and spell your name out in Velveeta

I can decorate a cake

I can decorate a cupcake, or a tray of cupcakes

I'm the Expert Chef

I'm the Expert Chef

Little roll of Saran Wrap, I don't need very much Saran Wrap

I'm an expert... I'm an expert

I heard you wanted a hotdog, I don't cook hotdogs

But if I did I would sous-vide em

Put em on a plate and hold em out so you could see em

And flush em down the crapper like an Oscar Mayer BM

I'm the Expert Chef

I'm the Expert Chef

I can make a little Snicker bar salad

All you need is Snicker bars, and a little talent

Pair it with a piece of Chicken Pate

And tell the sommelier to speak Francais

I'm the Expert Chef

I'm the Expert Chef

Come on, baby, let's go...

Let's go clear out the freezer

You don't have to live like that no more

Eating Smart Ones

Having some old fake turkey gravy on some old fake potatoes

I'll cook you real poatoes

I'll cook you sweet potatoes

I'll cook African potatoes

I'll cook French potatoes

I can scallop or squeeze them

You know you don't...

You don't have to have Hot Pockets no more, let's just...

Let's get the trashcan and just throw it all out

That's right

We're living a different life now

It's gonna be beautiful