[Verse 1]
I cast the spell of Fireball
And burnt my stupid eyebrows off
And left myself with only nine HP
And I tried to heal the damage done but got my wand stuck in the mud
My strength roll won't pass that massive DC
I’m an expert on so many little things
And I have got so many useless skill proficiencies
The fighter, and the wizard, and the cleric go make fun behind my back as charisma’s my highest stat
[Verse 2]
I’m a Red Mage in a way that’s fun
Amateur skill, master of none, a sight for those who don't know anything
And I lose my passion so quickly
In things that I thought interest me
It’s hard to еven put it in writing
[Chorus]
I’ll feed you poison, but not enough to kill you
And then I’ll hеal you, but not enough to save you
And then I’ll hurt you, but not enough to make you leave
Oh I can’t even fuck up explosively
[Verse 3]
I tried to fill the holes we got, be adaptive, fix our team comp
It turns out that there’s not a lot to fix
I think I’m finally realizing the world would still work without me
I’m just an overrated bag of tricks
So I’ll train the skills I think are neat
My nature, cooking, lock picking
A plus-one filling every single box
[Verse 4]
So I can’t banish a demon lord or facedown 15 thousand orcs
But I can open any standard lock
Now the dragon’s started crawling out its lair
And I’ve only got my pyromancy spells prepared
My sword play’s underleveled and I’ve fallen to my knees
I don’t have a skill but I still got the cheese
And I’ll save the world ‘cause its fate lies with me
Slaying monsters is my passion
So I’ll use my bonus action
Poison-coat my jagged knife
As I quickly extinguish your stupid life
[Chorus]
I’ll feed you poison, but not enough to kill you
(Slaying monsters is my passion)
And when I heal you, it’s not enough to save you
(So I’ll use my bonus action)
And if I hurt you it’s not enough to make you bleed
(Poison-coat my jagged knife)
Oh, I can’t even fuck up explosively
(As I quickly extinguish your stupid life)
I SAID I CAN'T EVEN FUCK UP EXPLOSIVELY!