Jesus was a carpenter, he died nailed to a wooden cross

Irony oh irony, upon me, it's never lost

Gather round now, people, I'm here to tell a tale

About a man who walks among you, a man you each know well

My name is Simon Keeper, I had a wife and three grown kids

A job in the towers cooking the books for the shills that grease the skids

Irony oh irony, you are a bitter fruit to eat

Stripped of all your beauty, your flesh is none too sweet

Now I ain't the most honest man that ever worked a skim

I was caught with my hand in the cookie jar and brother, that was it

Fifty-four and a big black mark upon my resume

I found selling off what you don't own might earn you the time of day

Next it was a letter from my darling one

"What's yours is mine, what's mine is mine"

Sealed with a hug and kiss

One by one, my children closed their lives to me

Lessons learned on Daddy's knee

"Give no quarter to the weak"

Irony oh irony, you are the polar seed of truth

You grow upon the open plain, the faithful you uproot

Kicked around 'bout a year, living hand to mouth

Then one day tryin' to bum a light, I felt my will give out

Sat right down on the corner, started prayin' a little too loud

Left my troubles far behind when I saw them emptying their pockets out

Irony oh irony, you are a treacherous son of a bitch

Pretending not to care about the heights you'll never reach

Now I won't start in preaching about reaping what you sow

This is the story of a half-hearted man, half-honest as they go

But sit on down and rest a spell, I've got another tale to tell

About a lost young man in a faraway land whose life is just too easy to sell

Jesus was a carpenter, he died nailed to a wooden cross

Irony oh irony upon me, it's never lost