(spoken)

[MICKEY]

If I was like him

I'd know all the right words

[EDWARD]

If I was like him

I'd know some real birds

(sung)

Apart from those in my dreams

And in magazines

[MICKEY]

Just look at his hair

[EDWARD]

His hair's dark and wavy

Mine's mousey to fair

[MICKEY]

Mine's the colour of gravy

[EDWARD and MICKEY]

Each part of his face

Is in just the right place

Is he laughing at me?

[EDWARD]

At my nose

Did he notice?

[MICKEY]

That I should wear a brace

[EDWARD]

That I've got halitosis?

[EDWARD and MICKEY]

When nature picked on me

She chose to stick on me

[MICKEY]

Eyes that don't match

[EDWARD]

I've got ears that stand out

[EDWARD and MICKEY]

She picked the wrong batch

When she handed mine out

And then she attacked me

With permanent acne

[EDWARD]

I wish I was a bit like

Wish that I could score a hit like

And be just a little bit like

That guy

[EDWARD and MICKEY]

That guy

That guy

[MICKEY]

I wish that I could be like

Just a little less like me

Like the kind of guy I see like

That guy

[EDWARD and MICKEY]

That guy