Part 1

[Verse 1]

My affection is depleted

I don't care bout your reason

Just torn to pieces by my demons

Yet you act like you need me

But I'm a dead kid in a minute cause the righteous wanna hunt me

Hundreds of these youngins all deserve my righteous punishment

Mint colored eyes paired up with copper hair

Kids with complexions of blood wetter than Phillipine air

Or even darker. It does not matter

Cause I'm a monster

I don't care if you're a foe or a sponsor

I would still jab at your weak spots

Like your temple. or your stomach

Yeah my issues will resurface

Wait

Yeah I will repeat it again

Christian doesn't care if you are an enemy or a friend

Listen then

Bloody is your face

I'll initiate

[Verse 2]

Young kid

Taking opposition down with hammer kicks

A therapist. I need a therapist

Cause I can murder every thing myself

Figurative and literal

I ain't run by justice so I don't need to justify actions visceral. Wait

I see openings on your face

I'mma run up on ya just for putting me in my place

Justifying your actions saying that "life ain't fair."

I agree with you and I'll show you why you should be scared

Hah

[Verse 3]

Hatred, I'm fueled by hatred

I ain't giving special treatment to those who ain't me

I want you to cough out blood and cry out tears of pain and suffering

For I am the one to make delivery haste

I'll beat you til you're in place

Stomp til blood leaves your own face

I said I'll decide your fate

Death is what I'd 'preciate

I won't let them make me chill

Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth

Christian you've fallen down hill

Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth

Part 2

[Transition]

It was then that I had realized

That I had fallen into a downward spiral

[Verse 4]

I'm sitting on a bench in Downtown

It is 7 at night

The streetlights shining down and I thought today was alright

It's Just like every day

Nothing good, nothing bad

But I found myself in my bed. 4AM

With my phone in my hand

Yuh

One thing that I learned from my parents:

I'm lazy, selfish, narrow-minded and inconsiderate

Please listen

God, why? God, why?

Did you make me like this?

Now I have to fake and be a mimic

Since I was a kid

I've always been harming those who were closest to me

Both physically. and emotionally

It was if Christian could win just by being the bully

I remember When I betrayed one of my closest friends over my own mouth

I could see the tears running down

Both of our own faces

I hurt my friend. I hurt myself

I just hope God could fix this

Sorry will not cut it

Driven by remorse, I ran deep into the forest

I ran til I got to the lake

I Stared at myself in the face

"Christian why do you make these mistakes?!"

"Christian why you think before you speak?!"

"Christian I wish that you were not me."

I deserve it! I deserve it all!

Everyone's life would be so much better if I was not even alive at all

This is not something I'd proudly say in public

If I said it everyone would just go tell me nonsense

"Christian there are many reasons to live great."

"If thats the case then why's the only one to release my mixtape?"

"I never told people I was depressed because I never thought I was."

"I'm a rational person I swear I ain't an attention seeker"

"It only came to me after I considered suicide"

Quoting Job:

"Why did I not die at birth, come forth from the womb and expire?"

But then it was time when it was enough

I was with my friends sitting in a yellow bus

They messed with me. One of my friends got it

Fists to the face 'til his blood started falling

I thought that would teach them a lesson

Little did I know that father found out through a text message

"Christian why do think you're so privileged?"

"You know I'll send you to Juvie. The real world ain't forgiving."

It was at that point I was my Dad's son

Overreaction but he was persistent

I knew he would do it. I knew he would do it

I ran to the bathroom and I turned the shower on

"God. I will ask the question again"

"Why do you choose to make a bad person?"

"Why do you choose to let them make mistakes?"

"I am not Job. I might just be leaving"

"I know that you love me but I might not love you"

"I am at my lowest point you know that is true"

"Please Lord just give me something oh something to see"

"Otherwise this might just be the end of 'ol me"

After I left I was filled with anxiety

Was this the end? Or was it the beginning?

Opened the door and I stepped out

'Proached my father and I sat down

My Father had a change of heart

And that was when I knew God was really here from the start

He knows things I don't. And it's the same with Job

Ever since that day. I have pledged to be with God alone