Smoking Im choking my lungs out

When Cheffa’s around bring the blunts out

Remembering days I would blaze it for fun but I need it to live it’s no fun now

Feeling alone in a bud cloud

Only wanna make my mum proud

People tryna give me tips and lessons

I won’t get the message ‘less you dumb it down

I’ve been space cadeting running reckless round

Now I’m real reclusive never leave the house

But it doesn’t matter where or what I’ve been

Because I been always sinning never feelin proud

I been never winning, call me fishy-fishy cos I’m sleeping with em

Laying underwater getting foggy vision

I can’t see the exit, nearly out of breath and now I’m stressing restless both my feet are kickin

Fuck

I don’t know what I expected to happen if I kept on rapping

But

It presented me stresses I couldn’t imagine and I couldn’t hack it

Ugh

Lay back on my mattress and think of the days

I was on wasted on tablets

Still nothing has changed except for my habits I blaze like an addict

Maybe cos I am

I remember thinking that I really was a man

Nowadays I’m thinking that I’m better off as sand

Yeah I used to want it all but i could really give a damn

I’m feeling lost I can’t formulate a plan

Will I live until I’m 30? I don’t really think I can

Everything is hurting I got fractures in my hands

And if I remember nothing then for once I might be glad

It’s becoming a chore

Writing these stories it feels so laborious but I don’t have an escape left

Living is boring there’s nothing here for me I try to get help they say take meds

It’s true what they say nah the drugs never work so why do I constantly chase them

Alone with my thoughts, even in company bruh I just want to escape it

Livid feelings got me itchy itchy as I’m tensing up and I get cold and wiggy

Teeth are gritting I can’t stop the shiver drinking 8%ers till I rot my liver

I no longer wanna feel a thing, now I get infuriated when I speak

I’m sick of coughing up black in the sink, black out drunk is how I’m falling asleep

And when I’m asleep I don’t wanna wake

I’ve been given choices I don’t wanna make

Got a funny taste from this lemonade and I’m hearing voices dunno what their saying

Looking back yea I shoulda been a better mate

But I’m not so instead I’m gonna head away

Burning sage hoping that I’ll maybe get erased

Cos I’m too bitch I don’t know another get away

Levitating wanna rise above I think it’s Fuck the physical I’m not in love with it

Matter fact I think I’m fucking done with it

I’m dead already it’s no longer fun to live

I wanna be spread in the sea

I need a way to forget everything

I been forgetting how it feels to be free

Feeling trapped it’s a struggle to breath